Or not! Science has pretty much established that your circumstances are not very relevant to your happiness. The impact is not zero, but decades of research have shown that only about 10% of your happiness level is determined by external circumstances.
The reason is something called hedonic adaptation. In short, that simply means when our circumstances change, for good or bad, we fairly quickly adjust to those new circumstances. Any bump in happiness is temporary. Once you get that bigger house, that fancier car, more free time, or whatever, you will soon be needing a new fix. An even bigger house, and even more luxurious car, something to do with your time, etc. My home and cars are certainly bigger and more luxurious than they used to be and it didn’t take me long to get used to them. They are now my baseline. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that we also adjust when bad things happen. One study showed dialysis patients are just as happy as healthy people. That one just blows my mind. I have to believe that there is some level of deprivation or abuse that would contribute to unhappiness, but evidently within an extremely broad range of what we would refer to as normal, it doesn’t matter very much.
“One of the great ironies of our quest to become happier is that so many of us focus on changing the circumstances of our lives in the misguided hope that those changes will deliver happiness. In an attempt to allay unhappiness, a recent college graduate may choose a high-paying job in a distant city, a middle-aged divorcee may undergo beautifying cosmetic surgery, or a retired couple may buy a condominium with a view. Unfortunately, all these individuals will likely become only temporarily happier. An impressive body of research now shows that trying to be happy by changing our life situations will ultimately not work.” — Sonja Lyubomirsky
While I intellectually accept the strong scientific evidence, it just seems so counter-intuitive that the effect of changes in circumstances could be that weak. It seems that if my income doubles or if I moved to a beautiful beach house, I would be happier. It seems clear to my intuitive self that if I was suddenly paralyzed from the waist down, I would be unhappy. Maybe so, but the evidence is clear that in those cases and others most everyone adapts and returns to their basic happiness set point relatively quickly. You may disagree, but I’ve been convinced by the evidence.
Still, I’m not sure I have completely internalized that belief. Have you? Somewhere deep down inside my feeling self, I still am having those “if only” thoughts. If only this or that were the case then things would be better. Maybe that’s just human nature. I don’t really know. It’s so damn hard sometimes to follow your own advice.
This article may have seemed negative, but that was not my intent. It’s extremely important that we know what not to do. It’s critical to understand what does not work. The path to happiness is becoming much clearer and it is no longer just a subject for speculation by philosophers. Science is showing us the way. You may consider that presumptuous, but I believe it to be true.
Does all this mean we shouldn’t try to improve our circumstances? No it doesn’t. However, we better be prepared for what we are getting when we succeed in doing so. It’s not likely to be happiness unless there is some deeper meaning to what you are doing. But in that case, what brings you happiness then is not your circumstances. It is your actions, attitudes, and values.
I’m much happier than I was a year ago and it is the result of simply changing the way I think. It came from the inside. I can say that over and over and you can agree with it over and over, but unless you really internalize and accept the fact that your circumstances don’t matter much, you are never going to find the happiness you desperately seek.
There is nothing “missing” in your circumstances.
“You overlook what is already ‘here’ as you chase after ‘there’; you miss the ‘sacred now’ as you ponder your ‘next step’; you forget to be grateful for what ‘is’ as you prey after ‘more’. You search, struggle, and strive, but you never arrive because you can’t get past the thought that something is missing.” — Robert Holden
What do you think? Leave a comment below.
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I do believe that the state of happiness has much less to do with external circumstances than people believe. However, I also believe it does take more than simply just changing thinking. There have been 8 components found that lead to ‘meaning’, that lead to a happy, fulfilled life over the long-term. I do believe that changing thinking is a big component and is effective to a degree, but the recent uptick in ‘just change your thoughts’ literature that abounds leaves out the other components that lead to not just happiness, but meaning and fulfillment.
But you’re absolutely right. There is plenty of data out there showing people who survived much worse circumstances than most of us experience and did so with a sense of happiness and peace, while plenty of people who most would consider ‘well-off’ are still not happy. But when we stop looking in the wrong places, we’re also not at the whim of things we can’t control. And the wrong places? That’s all that external stuff.
Thanks for the great post!
All the best!
deb
.-= Deb Owen´s last blog ..why you should be full of yourself =-.
Hello Deb! Thanks for your very thoughtful response. I’m going to agree and disagree. I’m going to agree with there can be more to it than changing your thinking. I’m going to disagree that in some cases, mine being one there doesn’t have to be more. There are many ways to become happier and some of them involve actions (more on that in future posts). Some of them don’t. Am I now focused on some action based ways to improve my own happiness? Yes. Have I become much happier by just changing my thinking in certain ways? Yes. Have some of these ways be documented in research? Yes.
This article wasn’t intended as a prescription for how to become happier, it was intended to describe how not to do it. If I left the impression that I thought “changing your thinking” was the only way that was certainly not my intention. In fact my next article on the subject is very action oriented. Having said that, changing my thinking by not thinking, being present, not sweating the small stuff, detaching from outcomes, getting a new perspective, etc have made a world of difference.
I agree that you can’t rely purely on circumstances for happiness and I agree that you have to learn to cultivate the habit of happiness. The book ‘Affluenza’ by Oliver James also points out that the law of diminishing returns applies to the relation between happiness and income.
But I’m not sure about the idea that you ‘quickly’ adapt to new circumstances and reset to a previous baseline. I can think of several times in my life where I changed my circumstances and experienced a lasting improvement in my happiness levels. For example when I first went travelling. For 18 months I was very happy, maybe the happiest I’ve ever been and this even lasted a further 6 months after coming back. Part of me believes that my baseline happiness even increased because of the trip. Whether this is actually the case if of course difficult to determine.
Overall I’d say that the more I learn about myself and the world and the more I feel in control over my circumstances the happier I get. Ok, I could be setting myself up for a fall with the idea of ‘being in control’… but everything seems to be working out so far.
I think the problem is that the term ‘external circumstances’ is too broad and that some things do make a long term impact on happiness.
These realisations are very fundamental to my worldview now and are a big part of how I’ve structured my life-style-design plan.
.-= NomadicNeil´s last blog ..How I came to my decision: The rational version =-.
Hi Neil! “But I’m not sure about the idea that you ‘quickly’ adapt to new circumstances and reset to a previous baseline”
The hedonic adaptation is clearly born out by mountains of research. Secondly nothing said in any of my articles is categorical. People always throw up counter-examples that are missing the main point. Third ‘quickly’ is relative. For example, the hedonic adaptation that occurs in marriage is 2 years. Is that ‘quickly’? Relative to what most people would consider a good long marriage yes. That would would be approximately 15% of the time I’ve been married. Finally all of this is averages anyway.
In regards to your traveling example. I would question that it was external circumstances that changed as being the factor. I suspect you were pursuing a goal and there was something going on inside your head at that point. I don’t think you just all of a sudden had “travel” as a circumstance. Having said that I really don’t know your circumstances.
Don’t mix up changing of circumstances with the other stuff going on in the process. Don’t mix up the end with the journey. Pursuit of goals can be an important factor in gaining happiness, but it isn’t the circumstances that achievement of the goal bring that matter. It is the pursuit of the goal itself. Your traveling example for instance.
Donald Trump has been both very wealthy and broke. I don’t honestly believe he does what he does for the money. I don’t know whether he is happy or not, but I can almost guarantee you that he does what he does for reasons other than the $$. I think he gets off on the pursuit and not the result.
I thought I’d clarify what I mean by the term ‘external circumstances’ / life situation being too broad.
The following seem to fall under external circumstances / life situation according to Sonja Lyubomirsky.
Money
Plastic surgery
House
What about, more friends, a girlfriend / boyfriend / lover / spouse, time to spend on hobbies, access to art and culture, being surrounded with like minded people or people that challenge you, opportunity for learning etc?
Are those not external circumstances / life situations as well? IMO those are circumstances we can actively seek out and attain.
.-= NomadicNeil´s last blog ..How I came to my decision: The rational version =-.
Neil, thank you for another thoughtful comment. I’m just going to disagree with you that certain things you are listing (having a girlfriend, having more time, etc.) give you lasting happiness. They don’t and the research that compares the happiness of people with those things and without those things prove it. As I said in the article, it is counter-intuitive. I submit to you that you are confusing activities you undertake that make you happy with circumstances. I can’t get into your head and know exactly what you are thinking. In my mind the single greatest barrier to happiness is attachment to outcomes, but that’s just me. We all have our own ideas.
Happiness comes from inside. It’s a choice. I’ve spent most of my life trying to change my circumstances to find happiness and it’s NEVER worked. Now that I’m working on trying to find happiness within myself, I’m a lot happier! Great article!
.-= Positively Present´s last blog ..5 simple ways to cultivate inner peace =-.
Hi Dani and thanks for stopping in to comment. I agree! Whew!
Happiness is definitely a choice. As someone who has gone through several life-changing events, both good and bad, I can definitely attest to the notion that any changes in happiness from external circumstances are temporary. Some last longer than others, but eventually, you slide right back to where you were. The only thing that changes it permanently is changing your attitude.
.-= Jay Schryer´s last blog ..God is Play-Doh =-.
Hey Jay, thanks for stopping by to comment. Your experience aligns with what I believe to be fairly well established. Its You!
I love these thought provoking posts, Stephen!
What I think makes a lot of difference in the amount of impact something has in regard to our happiness is how strongly it correlates with our values. I think your first response to Nomadic Neil makes a very important point which is that pursuing a goal that is aligned with values is not the same thing as the circumstances that result. Based on this, I think the concept of this article makes a lot more sense when related to pursuit versus accomplishment.
If pursuit is what inspires lasting happiness, then I think …
Marriage can be a source of lasting happiness because a healthy marriage is often an endless pursuit relating to the common values of the relationship.
An expensive car can be a source of lasting happiness if you enjoy racing it or modifying it.
A beach front condo can be a source of lasting happiness if you wish to develop a strong connection with nature.
Having more property can be a source of lasting happiness if you value the ability to grow your own food and need the extra property to do it.
.-= Vin – NaturalBias´s last blog ..The Stupidity of the Smart Choices Food Label =-.
Vin, you have it right. Goals that align with your meaning or values are critical. But I want to add one subtle clarification. If you don’t have that expensive car you can find meaning and happiness with other circumstances. The people who aren’t happy without the car are not likely to be happy with it. If you pursue the car because it is a thing you want to possess, because it is comfortable, because of status, then you will likely fail. With or without the car, it’s still THEM not the circumstances.
Married people are no more happy than single people after the bump. You can find happiness in marriage if done right, but just as many people find happiness without marriage. Once again it’s not the circumstances.
There are certain things I want so I can pursue other things of meaning, purpose, and value in my life. But without the underlying alignment, the circumstances are just circumstances. This is not an easy subject and it’s counter-intuitive, but I think I sort of have it sort of figured out for the current brief moment .
Heya Stephen!
I agree that happiness comes only from the inside. It is not money, material things, or even women that make us truly happy. We can have nothing and still be happy, and we can have everything and be unhappy. The thing to strive for is the balance of having enough AND being happy
Great post!
.-= Diggy – Upgradereality.com´s last blog ..Embrace your Insecurities =-.
I find this uplifting because it goes both ways and means that any setbacks I have will only make me miserable for awhile and I am strong enough to adapt and bounce back.
This is very true, Stephen. A year ago I really wanted to get out of the house because being stuck with my mom used to give me a sort of negative connotation. Now that I’ve left home for a year, I realize the value in listening to my mother and having her be a presence in my life. I’ve significantly changed my lifestyle since a year ago as well. I was much more materialistic back then, but now I feel like a changed man. Getting the “next best thing” doesn’t matter anymore. I’m happy with the things I have now.
Of course, I plan on improving my life and living on my own terms after college. I just can’t accept the idea of the cubicle lifestyle anymore. Thanks for the inspiration, Stephen.
.-= John´s last blog ..My First Steps Towards Lifestyle Design =-.
To me it is up to me to be happy and deal with the circumstances as they come. In many scenarios if you surround your self with happy and positive people you are going to gain a spirit stronger to deal when emotional things happen.
If you take a look around at your friends and love ones – the meaning of the saying you are who you keep company with is solid. So if you have to change places and friends to survive you do exactly that.
Great post!
.-= BunnygotBlog´s last blog ..Coco Chanel: Famous Quotes =-.
Cool post mate. I’ve been reading a lot on this subject lately and you are absolutely bang on. It seems weird that no matter how often people hear this information, they still can’t quite get their head round that it applies to them!
I think 99% of us are like that quite honestly. We are so conditioned to thinking more is better that to drop that belief can be tough.
.-= Tim Brownson´s last blog ..48 Bucks for 48 Hours =-.
“Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne.
I am always amazed when I see video of children in very poor countries laughing and playing, unconcerned that they should have more to be happy about. They are happy because they are playing, because they have their friends and family, and some food to eat that day. Everyone has the right to be happy, and if they can be in their situation, shouldn’t we be filled with it?
Happiness is in our thinking and our thoughts can be directed to pleasant things at our wishes.
.-= Grampa Ken – Social Fix ´s last blog ..Children, Life and Happiness =-.
I believe a person is happiness when he or she is living in the moment and stay grounded. A wise person once say, “when a person is not happy it is because they are not grateful”.
Thanks for sharing.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
.-= Giovanna Garcia´s last blog ..Strong like steel! =-.
I agree with Giovanna! Actually the whole theory of happiness created by Eckhart Tolle in his book The Power of Now is based on living in the moment. We all live either in the past or in the future and this is what makes us miserable. The past is gone and nobody knows what will be tomorrow and the only life that exists is the life now. The moment we concentrate on life now, we are happy.