Finding Your True Self

by Stephen Mills on July 10, 2009

Alone

There is an ultimate aloneness to human existence.  No matter how close you are to someone, it is an illusion to think they truly understand you or you truly understand them.  At some level you can share your experiences, but ultimately you are alone with your own experiences and you will get along better in life if you accept that and figure out what it means to you.

Being alone and recognition of that reality is part of the maturation process; part of becoming an individual human being.  Nobody else has your unique DNA, experiences, feelings, thoughts, and needs.  Don’t just accept that uniqueness, celebrate it.  It’s what makes you you.  It gives you a natural monopoly on something that is truly unique in the world.

Most people hide from this basic fact and end up being absorbed into a relationship or group or culture and accepting the values and expectations of others.  In their flight from their ultimate aloneness, they end up living according to the standards and dictates of others.

Most of us do indeed accept the culture, the standards, and the expectations handed to us from others.  We go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, work towards retirement, and eventually die all because that’s what we are “supposed” to do.  Sounds great doesn’t it!?

My friends often ask me for advice on what do do about some issue.  I don’t know why, but I think it is partly because I’m older than most of them (much older than many of them).  I think they see me as some old grandfather that dishes out wisdom!  :-)   I hate to give specific advice.  When somebody asks “What should I do?” or “Should I do X or Y?”, I don’t want to answer specifically.

I cannot be them.  I cannot put myself into their situation.  I cannot get inside their head.  We are different individual, alone with ourselves.  To tell them what they should do is assuming that I can put myself in their place and I cannot.  Despite that fact, there is no shortage of “for your own good” advice that gets dished out.  I’m sure you know what I mean.

The only way to be truly free is to discover that unique person that is you.  Many of you don’t know who that is because you’ve grown up and lived in the presence of pressures to behave according to the norms of others; your parents, your friends, your culture, and your partner.  These have likely exerted a great influence on what you think are your values and tastes.  This means that who you think you are and what you think you like and need, may just be a result of what you’ve absorbed from others.  It doesn’t represent the real and unique you.  Taking on the values of others leads to a lot of frustration and unhappiness.

Are you:

  • Accepting the presence of a family member you would rather not be around?
  • Accepting a relationship (any kind of relationship) that is no longer (or may never have been) healthy and happy?
  • Afraid to end unhealthy relationships because you fear the drama of the breakup or you believe to end it would be cruel or selfish?
  • Accepting a job you really didn’t or don’t now want?
  • Living somewhere when you’d rather be living somewhere else?
  • Letting those close to you dominate you to keep the peace?
  • Caring for or supporting a relative because “It’s the right thing to do”?
  • Accepting commitments and obligations that restrict your time or freedom because it seems right or because you didn’t realize the consequences when you accepted it?
  • Doing anything because someone else thinks you should?

If you are doing any of those things or anything else out of a sense of obligation, guilt, or because you’ve been taught you should, you are caught in a trap of family and social restrictions.

It is often the case that we are not doing what we really want to do, but are doing something because we think we should want to do it.  We’ve absorbed some value that is not consistent with our true nature.  We are living according to those false values and are creating internal conflict within ourselves.  This leads to stress, discomfort, and unhappiness.

For example, we may push ourselves relentlessly to be successful because we think that we value a certain kind of success.  Deep inside we just want to relax and enjoy life.  The false value is something that we’ve absorbed from family, friends, or society.

Ways to Discover Your True Self

Your true self was probably born with you.  It is your deep and natural core before you were socialized to be something different.  It’s unpretentious and following it will lead to your most authentic joy and happiness.

Pay Attention to Your Reactions and Feelings

What makes you uncomfortable?  What makes you happy?  Watch for surges in positive and negative emotions and note what caused it.  Don’t be afraid and don’t repress.  If you discover something you don’t like about yourself, it doesn’t help to pretend like it isn’t there.  You may not like it because you’ve been told by everyone your whole life you shouldn’t like it.  That’s not a reason.

When I’m expected to do something just to please someone else or when there is some obligation to do something involving someone else that I don’t want to do, I get those surges of negative emotions.  It’s not me.  The fact that these things might not bother some other people is irrelevant.  They are not me.  If I repress those and allow that inner conflict to exist, I’m simply fighting who I am adhere to someone else’s values.  Who made that rule anyway and why am I supposed to live by it?

What other people do is their decision and their right and what you do is your decision and your right.

Alone Time

If you don’t spend some time alone, you will likely be influenced and inhibited by other people.  You simply have to get away from people you know to think and experience without that inhibiting influence.  You can then discover things about you that you might not otherwise have known.  When I vacation by myself, I do different things than when I vacation with my family or others.  And it’s not just because it’s a different kind of vacation, it’s because when I’m not being influenced by others, I am much more likely to do what my true self really wants to do.

Do Something Different

I didn’t think I would like symphonies, operas, or ballets but I do.  If I hadn’t gone I wouldn’t know.  Do as many new things as you possibly can and pay attention to your reactions.

Pay Attention To Your Fantasies

What do you fantasize and dream about?  Seriously, those are a signal to you that you need to explore.  Try to experience some of them and see what happens.

Your Life Purpose

This is not the same thing as your true self, but a related and interesting exercise can be found at Steve Pavlina’s How to Discover Your Life Purpose in About 20 Minutes

Finally

“Your life can be an adventure – a continuing stream of new pleasures, excitement, and satisfactions.  You can have meaningful, problem-free friendships; you can have love that’s intense and exciting without burdens and compromises; you can produce income in ways that are fun; you can having thrilling experiences that don’t lead to bad consequences.”  — Harry Browne

What do you think? Leave a comment below.

arrow-small

Get Free Updates to The Rat Race Trap by Email here or via a reader in the top left sidebar.  I would love to have you on board.

Related posts:

  1. Finding Your True Self – Revisited There is an ultimate aloneness to human existence. You cannot...
  2. Find Your True Purpose What a different story people would have to tell if...
  3. Finding Meaning and Happiness in Your Work One of the best ways to find some personal meaning...
  4. Find Happiness Outside the Rat Race – Part 3 Whatever you give up in core needs, makes you less...
  5. A Little Dose of Truth and Reality Yes, you can have freedom in an unfree world, you...

{ 8 trackbacks }

Are You Free Now — The Rat Race Trap
July 13, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Sunday Siesta – July 12th | Change your thoughts
July 18, 2009 at 4:26 am
Les inspirations du 18 juillet : Le lab d’Ambiome : vivre autrement, tout simplement
July 18, 2009 at 1:33 pm
The Power of Less – Setting Limits — The Rat Race Trap
July 28, 2009 at 12:20 pm
True Self and Passion Myths | Why Self-Help Rarely Helps
November 26, 2010 at 7:40 am
Deeper Perception Made Practical » Do You Wish to Live From Your Deepest Self?
December 24, 2012 at 2:55 pm
Anonymous
February 26, 2013 at 5:06 pm
Anonymous
February 26, 2013 at 5:06 pm

{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }

Dragos Roua July 11, 2009 at 4:57 am

Great post Stephen,

I’m so there and relating to the same issues. One thing you should note is that once you find your true self, once you get your freedom back, your loneliness can become even bigger. Why? Because the norm is to do “what you think you should” as you said.

It’s difficult to find like minded partners or even comfortable social contexts once you step forward into a new consciousness. Thanks, I enjoyed it :-)
.-= Dragos Roua´s last blog ..Holiday, New Domain Name, Full Moon and Projects =-.

Reply

Diggy - Upgradereality.com July 11, 2009 at 7:32 am

Hey!
Great Post:)

This is a topic that I think about a lot. You have to be able to be your own best friend, because ultimately, the only person you have 100% control over is yourself (even that can be hard).

As soon as you are comfortable knowing that you can be happy by yourself, then all your interactions with others become better because you are not taking value from them in the sense that you need them or their input or energy around you in order to make you happy. Then on top of that if you give value, then a lot of things will fall into place:)

Till next time;)
Diggy
.-= Diggy – Upgradereality.com´s last blog ..It is time for adventure – right now =-.

Reply

Rosa July 11, 2009 at 10:57 am

Paying attention to our reactions and feelings is a great way to discover ourselves. I try to do it as much as I can, it helps me get to know myself and then to LOVE myself. I think that`s the most important thing to do if we want to be the best we can.
It`s totaly pointless to live up to society`s expectations, it changes too much and we will never be able to satisfy it completely.
I really, really enjoyed reading this, thank you!
.-= Rosa´s last blog ..Porque yo amo a Michael – Because I love Michael =-.

Reply

Juancav July 11, 2009 at 11:58 am

You are unique,must find the way alone,have the free will,nevertheless advices are welcome.

Reply

Deb Owen July 11, 2009 at 12:10 pm

One of my greatest wishes is that everyone would see how unique (and uniquely wonderful) they are — and that they really can break free of the expectations of others and be their true selves. We’re each unique, have something unique to contribute, and the world really is waiting for us to be just that — who we are.

All the best!
deb
.-= Deb Owen´s last blog ..the view from across the street overnight (indiana church fire) =-.

Reply

Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills July 11, 2009 at 3:21 pm

Hey Stephen, this is a topic that is close to my core. If we don’t take the time to discover our true self we can never fully realize our potential. I devoted the first 6 chapters of my book to this crucial first step on the path of personal development.

You showed a lot of wisdom with this statement: “I hate to give specific advice. When somebody asks “What should I do?” or “Should I do X or Y?”, I don’t want to answer specifically.” We all need to take full responsibility for our decisions and actions. By taking this stand you encourage others in that direction. Thanks for another important article.
.-= Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..11 Steps to a More Positive You =-.

Reply

Ryan Biddulph July 11, 2009 at 3:39 pm

This is insightful Stephen. I began to find myself when I was by myself. I began to realize who I really was only when I first lived alone.

We only find out who we are when we are quiet and still. Too much of life is spent being the person who fits other people’s viewpoints. It’s easy to live life in the box of being a husband/wife, son/daughter, or best friend, instead of stepping out of the box and being you.

Reply

Robin Easton July 11, 2009 at 3:56 pm

Although I check in on every situation and even every day all day long to make sure I am being true to myself. I still LOVED reading this article. It is something that I feel is at the core of all of us. To me it is of utmost importance. Without being true I merely exist, I never THRIVE. Something would die inside me if I stopped being true.
It is a crucial question to ask ourselves in all decisions we make all things we do. And to remember it is NEVER too late to change out minds…and make NEW more appropriate and true choices. This one I am going to print out and share with a friend who can use this right now but does not go online. So thank you Stephen. Good one. :) )
.-= Robin Easton´s last blog ..Is Nature Real? =-.

Reply

Jodi at Joy Discovered July 11, 2009 at 11:16 pm

Hi Stephen, This is my first visit to your blog–it’s great! Good writing here and I like the message. This article is one I wish every 18-year old could read and understand so that they would take the time to get to know themselves well before getting in over their heads with a relationship or group, etc. Your tips on discovering your true self are wonderful. Thank you! Have a great weekend!
.-= Jodi at Joy Discovered´s last blog ..Giving Yourself Permission =-.

Reply

Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker July 12, 2009 at 12:27 pm

Like you, many of my friends and family come to me for a listening ear and a comforting presence. I don’t like giving advise. Most people just need someone to listen. If I am pushed to give advise, sometimes from the other person, sometimes from my own inner intuitive voice, then I will say, “This has been my experience. This is what worked for me. It may or may not work for you.”

We aren’t all on the same path and don’t all need the same experiences. I was in my 40′s when I decided to do some substitute teaching before deciding if I wanted to go back to school and finish my degree toward teaching elementary school. What I discovered was that teaching was my mom’s desire, not mine. I love kids but do better in a one-on-one setting rather than in a classroom full of kids. I did not go back to school to get that degree. As life brings certain kids into my world, I interact with them as needed for our mutual benefit.

Right now, my blog is my avenue for sharing my experiences to help other abuse survivors. I found you through your comment at Lance’s Jungle of Life blog. I meet the most interesting people through Lance’s blog.
.-= Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker´s last blog ..Independence Day =-.

Reply

Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching July 12, 2009 at 10:57 pm

Thanks for this post. It reminds me of an exercise I’ve been doing recently that feels kind of edgy for me to talk about but I’ll do it anyway. :) There’s a road next to where I live where the speed limit is 25 but people usually go about 45. I have been driving along at 25 or 30 to avoid getting pulled over (which happens to people on that road), and of course some people get behind me and tailgate me and honk the horn, and I just keep going 25, and breathe in the sensation of knowing these people are getting impatient, but reminding myself that I don’t have to violate the speed limit just because they want to go faster. This has been a great exercise.

Reply

Zeenat Merchant Syal{Counselling Psychologist&Naturopath July 13, 2009 at 2:18 am

Hi Stephen,
I loved this post of yours. I do agree with you completely….that realizing and finding your true self is by far the toughest thing to do. But once you have made up your mind and realized that you need to change and become more YOU there is no stopping you.
I loved the following line:
“Don’t just accept that uniqueness, celebrate it. It’s what makes you you. It gives you a natural monopoly on something that is truly unique in the world.”
Very beautifully written.
By the way this is my first visit to your blog..through questforbalance.com, and i must say i loved every minute of it. Will be subscribing to your blog. Keep up the lovely job youre doing. God knows the world needs more people like you.
.-= Zeenat Merchant Syal{Counselling Psychologist&Naturopath´s last blog ..Sometimes i Just wonder… =-.

Reply

Vin - NaturalBias July 13, 2009 at 8:02 am

Great article, Stephen! It relates well to your previous article about positive decisions. I think we have so many distractions today that few of us take the time to reflect on our lives and truly understand ourselves.

It’s amazing how two people can perceive the same exact situation so extremely differently. Likewise, it’s interesting (and a bit unsettling) to think about the likeliness that even the people closest to us probably don’t know us as well as we think.
.-= Vin – NaturalBias´s last blog ..Healthy Living is So Easy, a Caveman Can Do It! =-.

Reply

Charles - Big Idea Blogger July 13, 2009 at 10:08 am

Great post Stephen!

When I was young, everyone was telling me who I am and what I should do. When I began to take up personal development, I increased my self-awareness but was still very much listening to everything my mentor said. It was only very recently where I realized that I am who I am, and while my mentors and close friends meant well for me, I’m the one who know myself best (apart from my God).

Therefore, I’m know filter all the advice I receive, because I am responsible for making my own decisions and setting my own direction.

Thanks for writing this inspiring post to remind me to stay true to myself.
.-= Charles – Big Idea Blogger´s last blog ..The Fastest Way to Achieve Results for Your Blog =-.

Reply

Al July 13, 2009 at 10:51 am

Need your help! I was fortunate that has a child God gave me a lot of this stuff that people write books on. I am constantly astonished, a year ago I learned about ” the law attraction” I couldn’t believe that do many people are raving about and studying it, but gla of course. I have been doing it all my life. Then I read a book” think and go rich” I thought to myself, people write books about this?? Doesn’t everyone already know this?? I could go on forever with this experience.
Now I read your comments about ” being your own best friend” and being alone, again I have learned this on my own a long time ago but am glad to know others feel the same. I do have a question: when one learns to enjoy in being alone, it just propels the lonliness because when you see that this person you are talking to is not your style, I just don’t bother with them anymore, I do this all the time, as a result I have no longtime friends. On a daily basis I make lots of aquaintances but I never get close to anyone even when they want to, because I have always been happy with myself and want to stay that way. I am a people’s guy, I’m very successful in Sales, I coach about 250 kids and their families every week, plus my job. I talk to everyone every where, but I’m alone. When you need someone to support you in a struggle you dint have a friend to ” back you up”
The problem becomes at my funeral I’ll be by myself too, which is ok with me, I don’t
need a crowd in fact I don’t need anything at all, lol.
The other question is how can I possibly be myself? I want to be free, travel when and where I want, meet people everywhere but I have to

Reply

alex - unleash reality July 13, 2009 at 5:26 pm

hey stephen!!

really really deep stuff.

muttered “that’s so true” three times just through the first paragraph.

haven’t really thought about this much. interesting to ponder.

it’s cos you’re wise stephen, not old. self-selective reasoning ;)

just tell them, “do whatever you want.” sure, sometimes advice is a great thing but they’re probably just looking for self-validation and approval. haha. to put it this way, they’re asking you to tell them to do what they already know they should do :)

man… couple of those “are you”s really got me. when i first squizzed them i was like, “yeah… good ol self-help type pitch” but then i read them and a few of them resonated. hard. specially the last one.

inspired me to write a post on it. it’s the latest one. hate it or love it etc… would love your thoughts on it – right up your ally.

your advice on paying attention to your own feelings is really great. they say that what gets to you says a whole lot about you. def agree.

alone time is also a great suggestion. time to be. it’s so easy to avoid living by being busy :) has a good ring to it. think i’ll use that :)

hennyways, really inspiring post. thank you.

tweeted and stumbled!

keep well stephen
alex – unleash reality

Reply

Trey - Swollen Thumb Entertainment July 13, 2009 at 8:56 pm

Great topic Stephen, this is a subject that needs to be written about in a very deep fashion. You should do an e-book on this very subject, because this is something that so many people need to come to copes with. We all have our unique voice, and are individuals, and we should never give that away, or let anyone take it away.

I see that you’ve gotten many positive comments for this article, and it is because this is a subject that many people are at odds with. Very few people are living the life that their inner voice is crying out for. Too often, we simply tell that voice to shut up, but yet wonder why our happiness level continues to dwindle.
.-= Trey – Swollen Thumb Entertainment´s last blog ..Twittley, A Blogger’s Best Friend =-.

Reply

Patricia July 13, 2009 at 9:29 pm

Most of my life has been doing the “right” thing and the responsible thing and feeling okay about that – and getting room and board too! With the death of my parents, I have recently been able to remove a toxic family member from my life and am able to say “NO” to a great many things that I simply do not wish to do any more. I am leaving the early apples where they fall and going on a walking tour for 3 weeks – we will all survive.
All though the tour guides say I should be taking $2,000 US for food and entrance fees etc. I only have $900.00 and I spent $80 of that on medication for my kid…I did the right thing…I think I will have a lovely trip without all the money and food spending…and it is a very good lesson that my partner was not willing to share any of his “fun” money on my adventure…but had $3,000 to spend on his bike tour extra! Sometimes one learns a great deal in making these decisions- I am glad he did what he wished to do, but surprised he was not willing to wish me well for my adventure.
Change is an interesting element in developing authentic self…
Thank you for a good post to read today! I appreciate your good efforts.
.-= Patricia´s last blog ..Understanding Agenda For a New Economy ~ David Korten =-.

Reply

Arswino July 14, 2009 at 12:25 am

Hi Stephen,

It is not so easy to find our true self, but your questions are helpful.
Thanks.
.-= Arswino´s last blog ..7 Tiny Places to Find Everyday Inspiration =-.

Reply

Stephen Mills July 14, 2009 at 5:09 am

@Everyone. Thanks for all the great comments! I really appreciate it! Sorry I have been so tardy with the replies.

@Dragos, I agree but when you do find companions who like the true you the relationships are going to be better because they are more compatible.

@Diggy, great to see you again. Thanks for stopping by and joining the conversation!

@Rosa, great point about never being able to satisfy others anyway. So true. Thanks for commenting.

@Juancav, thanks for stopping in to comment!

@Deb, thanks Deb. It is one of my great wishes too.

@Jonathan, hi! Some people love to tell others how to live, but you really can’t be the other person.

@Ryan, hello! Great to have you in the conversation. I like you box analogy because that’s the way I look at it too. We are trapped in others boxes.

@Robin, hello again! Thank you so much for your support and for being the one and only you. :-)

@Jodi, thanks for visiting us here and welcome! :-) I wish every 18 year-old would hear the message too!

@Patricia, welcome and thanks for your stimulating comments!

@Chris, thanks for your comments and you are one brave man!

@Zeenat, WOW! Thanks for those very kind comments. Welcome and hope to see you in future conversations.

@Vin, hello! I think you are right about having so many activities that we don’t take time to get to know ourselves. Thanks!

@Charles, good for you! Thanks for the wonderful comments.

@Al, I think when you advertise your true self you may lose some of your old friends because they were friends with the fake you. However, you will eventually find people who like the real you and those relationships will be deeper and more meaningful because they are genuine. Just make sure the real you is on display at all times. Don’t get timid and revert to a fake you. Thanks for stopping in to comment!

@alex, thanks for a fantastic comment! It’s a mini blog post right there. I’m definitely heading over to your blog to check out. BTW, thanks for the “wise not old” pump there! :-)

@Trey, thanks for the thought. It’s a fantastic idea about the e-book. “Too often, we simply tell that voice to shut up, but yet wonder why our happiness level continues to dwindle.” Yes!

@Patricia, HI! Sounds like a great adventure. I’m jealous! Sorry about your parents. I am happy to hear you are making changes though. Life is change and change is growth.

@Arswino, thanks for stopping by. It’s not easy because the norm is to be socialized into something different. It may not be easy but the rewards are definitely worth it!

Reply

Evan July 15, 2009 at 7:35 pm

All very true.

I also find that as I find my true self and don’t restrict myself to suit others I have deeper friendships and get on better with others!

Reply

Karl Staib - Work Happy Now July 15, 2009 at 10:08 pm

I read a similar idea from Zen Mind Beginner Mind, “Express your true self.” It goes right in line with what you are saying in this post. When we know our core selves, we can maximize our happiness.
.-= Karl Staib – Work Happy Now´s last blog ..Have Fun and Be Weird =-.

Reply

Kate July 15, 2009 at 10:28 pm

Great post! You are writing about my past life. However, I have woken up. I am now exploring my fantasies and dreams. It feels great. Life is short. Take actions on your dreams now and don’t have any regrets!

Thanks for the post!
.-= Kate´s last blog ..kate919: Hello! Thanks! RT@marscafe RT @mshwery some photos from today’s filming of #TheExperiment @marscafe : http://www.flickr.com/mwshwery/ =-.

Reply

alex - unleash reality August 1, 2009 at 7:02 am

i think the best way to find your true self is to stop looking…

keep well mate
alex – unleash reality
.-= alex – unleash reality´s last blog ..Emotional Sleight of Hand: 5 Practical Tricks to Feel Good Right Now =-.

Reply

Doug Rosbury August 10, 2009 at 5:14 pm

I agree with all that was said. Does that mean that you are doing my thinking or that the way you think is somehow reflecting my own philosophy and that there is
a unified reality that is not necessarily shared by all of us due to a certain attitude that acts like a filter to make us seem to share a certain sameness of experience?
Those of us who are “different” seem to belong to a group whos unity is of a reality
not shared by the majority. In this idea, those who are “unique” , really belong to a
oneness of being in the spiritual sense and all others “uniqueness” is a state of being that exists outside of that unity. This makes them lost in a sense and deprived of membership in that unity and of its benefits. ——-Doug Rosbury

Reply

Alex September 22, 2009 at 11:08 pm

This is a great post. No, actually a really good one. Good reminder.
My question is this though, when do we actually listen to other becuase we may be doing something at different times unawarely. For example I may not want to relax right now, but I may want to relax some other time. I may not realize that I want to relax right now becuase I don’t think that is correct. All of a sudden I want to relax not becuase wanted to but I didn’t know about it, now I’m convinced relaxing is good. It is often the case that we are not doing what we really want to do, but are doing something because we think we should want to do it. Are there exceptions to when we are not doing something out of ignorance, and how would we know our true integrity?Or must we know all circumstances before making a conscious decision? Hope it makes sense, if it doesn’t please point it out.
Alex

Reply

Lalitha Brama September 27, 2009 at 9:13 pm

Great article! Some activities such as doing Yoga, listening to music, doing Emotional Freedom Technique, writing thoughts and feelings on paper, letting go and allowing in, writing journal, working out etc have helped me explore my true self

Reply

B @ logos coaching April 15, 2010 at 8:22 pm

As we place less and less emphasis on the external world for our happiness and fulfilment and move to find it within we ironically become more united with others. We move from truly being alone to recognising our togetherness with all people and the universe itself
.-= B @ logos coaching´s last blog ..In the silence are all the answers you seek =-.

Reply

Candace Wong April 29, 2010 at 6:50 pm

Hi Stephen,

This is my first comment ever on any blog article and I actively follow several blogs. I must say this is a profound article that I enjoyed reading. No one knows you like you know yourself so its important to know yourself well to maximize your potential at being extraordinary. I’m in the midst of deep self identity and I’m starting the process of taking my life to the next level, to try and live a life of constant fulfillment and happiness, to set outrageous life goals to see if I can meet them. I absolutely love the concept of your blog! I look forward to your future articles!

Reply

Stephen Mills May 2, 2010 at 11:26 am

Hello Candace, that is an incredibly nice comment. I wish you the very best! :-)

Reply

shabneez May 23, 2010 at 12:59 pm

i really appreciate your article thanks for publishing, its as if i have found what i have been looking for years ! i agree to what you said but there exist so little people who think that giving ourself time develop us rather than making us all alone ! most strangers and friends do not understand me they think am too alone ! and my close people only tell me that i have been pushing away people in my life. am just 20 and they tell me i think like old generation people and i live a life that is just too reserved for me! but who can understand the 19 yrs i lived, the work i did, the courage i gathered, the pain i fight, the broken expectation i felt, the way i lived, the saccrifice i made who i know wont made for me ! why people blaming me for being independent ! :(

Reply

Stephen Mills May 24, 2010 at 8:03 pm

Hi shabneez! You are surely welcome and you are right nobody else can ultimately understand you. In that you are truly alone and it’s great you realize that.

Reply

shabneez May 25, 2010 at 2:50 pm

thanks !! :)
i wish others could too !! take care and great job ! keep it up ! good luck to ya !

Reply

Kitty Kat December 14, 2010 at 1:49 am

If it not a problem can we converse threw e-mail???? I don’t want you to tell me what to do, but ur insite on life i can truely use….

Reply

james cilia May 31, 2011 at 11:41 am

hi im 14 years old and i have problem with me being myself i always do things to pleased my friends so that they can have a good impression on me but im not happy with me not being my self and i also hate to be alone……

hoping for your advice….. and im sorry for some wrong grammar im not so good at english : D

Reply

CaroZ November 30, 2011 at 6:14 am

This post was EXACTLY what i needed today, I was so low and so unmotivated, but reading this made think about what i really need. THANX so much!

Reply

William Duncan June 21, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Thank you so much for giving me the link to “what is my ture purpose in life” i did as steve told me in the blog and it took about 30 mintues and i found my ture purpose( by the way i never cry over anything) i cried like a little boy for ten minutes straight… My ture purpose in life is “loving a family of my own and making a life for my kids”…. Thank you Steve!!!! This works people you should try it…..:):):):):):):):)…. Wow!!!! Its amazing how it works and hiw you feel after… I promise you that… Thanks again for everthing….:);)

Reply

Aaron Schaefer September 10, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Stephen.. my name is Aaron Schaefer. I’m 21 years old and been unhappy and depressed for three years on and off. I was given this link by a friend to help find my true self. My mom abandoned me right before my senior year of high schoolnd my father left me four years earlier. I was in a relationship were we were madly in love I thought I was being my self and she cheated on me with another woman. Im a mess a wreck. My two closest friends one is married nd the other is in a serious relationship and I was his best man in his wedding. I had to keep my self crying out of jealousy because iv been wanting to settle down for a while. anplease send me a email an one who reads this with any help with finding my true self so I can he happy email a.mike.schaefer@gmail.com thanks

Reply

Valentino Križanić of Sesvetski Kraljevec September 14, 2012 at 11:10 am

I am really trilled with this page. I must thank you, Stephen, because you help me. Let happiness be with you!

Reply

Tafari December 26, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Vryy inspiring wth thiz#2013
haz samthng special in store for me

Reply

William June 30, 2013 at 10:20 am

Hi i really enjoyed your blog, as of me i did almsot exactly the way you describe to be true to yourself, when i got transferred to another school in a new locaon i told myself im gonna leave my past and my old safe behind and learn from my mistake and move on and suddenly i did it. i take away all those media and tv and any influence from outside world and i realised when i came to this new territory and they didnt knew me so i seized the opportunity to show the true mature me and a much better person and i felt at peace, all all times i wasnt stressed infact that happened 5 years ago year 2009 is the one of my worst year and then the last 2 months when i transferred to another school is the most relax and at peace of myself and i havent felt that since i was a kid. so i consired this year the year that changed the course of my life forever and it all went well until one of my cousins influenced me to cut school and just go out and do stupid useless things like go out and watch movies etc ect and then i got transferred to another, then this new school ive been staying for 3 years, to be honest at first i knew something wrongs with this cool, i felt the people is a bit different compare to the previous school i went which is way to good( i just meeesed it up) and this new school people didnt much like me and then itry to adapt to their likes and personality and then they started talking to me and i wasnt happy all the time up until now i truly regret this school but only half year left and i will graduate so i think i just have to wait and forget what happen to this school. byt right now, during summer when i did take a small part time job near on my hometown, i sworn that no matter what i will be a disciplined person and taking the things i learned from my mistakes and forgot the old me and to be honest and show my true nature and after ive don my job their, when i remember what idid their i really felt enjoyed it and i realized it is the atmosphere that is one of the most important things in our life so it felt it happened yesterday but that was last year, so i truly enjoy myself their.. and this artical of yours by re reading it helps me to stay true to myself thanks! by the way im kinda insecure the way i looked so what i did was basically get some picture of some good looking people and then just looked at it nothing more.. just to raised the standard how do i look. but it was for my own benifet to be more confident.. does this mean im not staying true to myself at all? pls i need your answer thanks!

Reply

James A Sinclair November 22, 2013 at 6:08 am

I feel that as we are finding our True Self, or realizing our infinite potential within, we find everything we are looking for. There is no lack as lack is an illusion. As within so without…this means that as we find completion, fulfillment and wholeness within we will also enjoy it in our reality.

Reply

Oliver January 10, 2014 at 3:37 pm

It is however not always possible to modify certain conditions and restrictions that
come with the property. Herbs that bolt easily in response to heat, such as cilantro, should be placed
on the east-facing slope so that they are protected from the afternoon sun.
The weekly Farmers Market becomes a ritual for those seeking wholesome, organic foods that
promote health through harvest direct from
local Producers.
Oliver´s last [type] ..Oliver

Reply

permaculture design training January 29, 2014 at 3:42 pm

Hello there, You’ve done an excellent job. I’ll definitely digg it
and personally suggest to my friends. I am confident they’ll be benefited from this
site.
permaculture design training´s last [type] ..permaculture design training

Reply

xbox one giveaway March 13, 2014 at 3:16 am

I pay a visit day-to-day a few sites and sites to read articles,
excep tgis wewblog provides feature baswd content.
xbox one giveaway´s last [type] ..xbox one giveaway

Reply

JAMES A LENNOX April 11, 2014 at 7:55 am

HI i have been serching for years for the true self,And reading what is ritten i have been saying to people as well,So i find i am not alone on this PLANET.
I have MANNIX DEPRESSION and every +/- 10 Years i REBEL,they call it been MANIC..I am pissed off at the SYSTEM.It bothers me a great deal ,So i get ANGRY.I dont know how to STOP.I am 57 and i feel 30 in side,My BRAIN is ACTIVE,always thinking..Like all there SRINKS i have had i used to PISS them OFF,and all they would say take the PILLS..This ANSWER is a SHORT term SOLUITION the PROBLEM is not going to go AWAY.So theres people with MENTAL problems are been SCREWED…Take control of your own LIFE…BYE

Reply

real Estate agents salary May 29, 2014 at 5:10 pm

The first step needs to be conducted, which has its own forbidden city right.
real Estate agents salary´s last [type] ..real Estate agents salary

Reply

David June 12, 2014 at 12:38 pm

Some of us can’t afford to find and live by our true selves. We have debts and obligations. Some of us have depression. Much more compassion is needed in these discussions.

Reply

http://xfactor2013auditions.blogspot.com September 26, 2014 at 5:22 pm

It’s amazing to pay a visit this sitge and reading the views of alll colleagues regardinng this article, while
I am also zealous of getting know-how.
http://xfactor2013auditions.blogspot.com´s last [type] ..http://xfactor2013auditions.blogspot.com

Reply

http://ricardoalfonsinblog.com/profile-5065/info/ October 4, 2014 at 11:14 am

Have you ever thought about creating an ebook or guest authoring on other sites?
I have a blog centered on the same topics you discuss and would really like
to have you share some stories/information. I know my subscribers would appreciate your work.
If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an e mail.
http://ricardoalfonsinblog.com/profile-5065/info/´s last [type] ..http://ricardoalfonsinblog.com/profile-5065/info/

Reply

Voucher Codes October 6, 2014 at 8:46 am

fantastiuc put up, very informative. I ponder why the oppposite specialists
of this sector don’t notice this. You must proceed your
writing. I am sure, you have a great readers’ base already!
Voucher Codes´s last [type] ..Voucher Codes

Reply

Norberto October 7, 2014 at 1:54 pm

Hi there colleagues, how is the whole thing, and what you would like to
say concerning this paragraph, in my view its genuinely remarkable for me.
Norberto´s last [type] ..Norberto

Reply

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge