Eight Ways to Build a Magnetic Personality

by Stephen Mills on February 7, 2010

Magnet

Note from Stephen: This is a guest article by Tess Marshall at www.TheBoldLife.com.  Please check out her excellent blog.

We know people who can light up a room with their presence. They are good at building and maintaining relationships. They establish rapport quickly and effortlessly. It seems like everybody is their best friend. Bestselling author, Malcolm Gladwell, call these people connectors.

With observation, guidance and a lot of practice, we can all build and amplify strong personal characteristics and become better “connectors.” The following methods will help you be the “one” others love to be around.

“If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two mouths and one ear.” Mark Twain

  1. Make Others Feel They Matter. Listen more, talk less. Make eye contact and clear your mind of any of your own thoughts. A good question to ask another is, “Do you want advice or do you only want me to listen?” Listening creates feelings of appreciation and importance.

    “A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.” – Unknown

  2. Practice Acceptance. Spend time looking for commonalities. When you focus on what is good, what is “good” stands out. Allow others to be themselves. Become aware of trying to change, fix or judge someone.

    “Empathy is the fundamental “people skill.” – Daniel Goldman

  3. Practice Empathy. If you want to learn to be empathic, the easiest way is to “walk a mile in another’s shoes.” Empathy is understanding, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.

    “Your presence today spoke volumes. Thank you all for the support.” – Benjamin Crump

  4. Make Others Feel Important. Stay in the present moment, don’t multi-task, check your phone or glance around the room. Make the speaker feel like the most important person in the world. Open and connect heart to heart.

    “It isn’t necessary to blow out the other person’s light to let your own shine” – Unknown

  5. Let Others Shine. Don’t one up the speaker with one of your own personal stories. Instead, imagine the other person with a sign that says, “Make me feel special.” Practice being the last one to speak when you are with others. Your relationships will blossom.

    “Once someone touches your heart, the fingerprints will last forever.” – Unknown

  6. Use Touch. When the moment presents itself touch the other person on the arm or pat them on the back or shoulder. Touching someone shows you care. It creates a warm feeling. As a relationship grows, those small touches turn into big hugs. Touching heals our emotional wounds and creates feelings of acceptance.

    “Affirm the positive, visualize the positive and expect the positive, and your life will change accordingly.” – Unknown

  7. Be Positive. Build the other person up by saying, “I understand you. I get that.” Make an effort to point out the positive in any situation. Learn to express humor and make others smile. A great place to practice is with any service clerk.

    “Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment.” – Lao Tzu

  8. Be Genuine. Nothing is more attractive than being real. Authenticity creates an unbreakable emotional bond. Being real allows for trusting and enduring relationships. Being real in a world that encourages us to be like everyone else, will allow others to feel safe enough to be real themselves.

Tess Marshall is the mover and shaker, at www.TheBoldLife.com , where she’ll hold you accountable for being the boldest you’ve ever been in every area of your life! What would you do if you were 10 times bolder? You can sign up for her RSS feed and receive her updates or follow her on Twitter

What do you think?  Leave a comment and join the conversation.

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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Nimit kashyap February 7, 2010 at 9:58 pm

some good tips, i will try to use them to make more friends and to make my present relationship more better.
.-= Nimit kashyap´s last blog ..WordPress PDA Plugin For Iphone and PDA Browsers =-.

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Gordie - Lifestyle Design For You February 8, 2010 at 2:18 am

The touch one is very true; I like receiving a pat on the back, but due to sexual harassment cases, I’d be wary about touching a woman besides a handshake. Also, we have to be wary of culture differences.

Great article overall.
.-= Gordie – Lifestyle Design For You´s last blog ..Personal Development By George Clooney: Speech From “Up In The Air”. =-.

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Richard | RichardShelmerdine.com February 8, 2010 at 4:22 am

Great article. I love to think that letting people feel that they matter is the best thin we can do for someone.
.-= Richard | RichardShelmerdine.com´s last blog ..Lessons From a Month of Meditation =-.

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Zeenat{Positive Provocations} February 8, 2010 at 9:25 am

Tess, Youre one awesome Lady!
Loved each and every point…especially loved #5! We are so involved or rather self involved that we forget to be happy and appreciate other accomplishments.
Appreciating others makes your heart grow ten folds!
Much Love
Z~

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Steven | The Emotion Machine February 8, 2010 at 10:12 am

As someone who used to read a lot about social interactions, NLP, and stuff from the Pick-Up Artist community…I have to tell you your advice is spot-on. The most important point is to be genuine, you can mess up here and there with the other points, but as long as you are genuine people will respect who you are.
.-= Steven | The Emotion Machine´s last blog ..The Uses And Abuses Of Setting Deadlines =-.

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Lana-DreamFollowers Blog February 8, 2010 at 3:21 pm

This a such an awesome post Tess! I think if we do what you recommended in your article and genuinely care about the person in front of us, the energy coming from us will be totally different-positive, sincere and loving. The person we are talking with will feel it subconsciously and want to reciprocate. Thank you!
.-= Lana-DreamFollowers Blog´s last blog ..How To Get In The Flow or How To Connect With Your Inner Genius =-.

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Tess The Bold Life February 8, 2010 at 4:45 pm

Nimit,

That’s great that you want to improve your relationships and make new friends. I would suggest beginning with the tip that sounds easiest to you, practice that one and go to another. Being willing to grow as a person will make all of your relationships shine.

Gordie,
Two very good points you bring up. Absolutely we need to respect other cultures and be weary of harassment issues.

I was thinking, which I didn’t convey personal relationships with touch. Here is a personal example. My daughter left home and moved in with friends before she was finished with high school. Her boyfriend was 3 years older and I had rules she didn’t want to follow. It was a very difficult time for me and she was very angry at me as well. A friend of mine suggested each time I saw her (she’d come home to get belongings or visit her sisters to make physical contact with her if at all possible. I began with a touch on her arm or back which lessoned her anger and eventually she’d allow me to hug her again.

Sorry I didn’t make it clearer!

Richard,
It’s the fastest way to build all relationships, business, personal etc. Just ask yourself, “How can I make this person feel important?”

Z.
Thanks for the compliment. I learned this one after years of interrupting people and being the first to speak. My ADHD was the cause for the interupptions and being clueless and not a good listener was the reason for the other.

I won’t beat myself up too much at least I practice it now. In fact I think I probably have gone the other way and don’t disclose enough.

Steven,
Thanks so much for acknowledging my methods! I was a therapist for years and being genuine bonded me with clients. I would admit if I forgot an appointment, if I forgot names of family members etc. When they saw the human side of me they immediately felt we had something in common.

Lana,
Yes and who wouldn’t want to do that with friends, family and colleagues?
The fact that everyone wins is incentive enough. The world sure would be a better place due to the communication we have with the person in front of us.

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Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills February 8, 2010 at 10:32 pm

Excellent post Tess, I love the way you write and totally appreciate the value of each and every one of these points. Thanks for this!
.-= Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s last blog ..Are You Creating What You Don’t Want? =-.

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Amit Sodha - The Power Of Choice February 9, 2010 at 9:02 am

Hi Tess, Fab post but there is one thing I would personally edit in this post. That is the listen more talk less. I’m not a fan of that idea. I would say listen and talking equally makes for a stimulating coversation. Improve on listening but also improve on the speaking part to make what you say more engaging.

Apart from that though great post!
.-= Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last blog ..The Best Kind Of Product Is One You Don’t Need To Sell =-.

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Tess The Bold Life February 9, 2010 at 10:25 am

Jonathan,
Thanks for that compliment! I so appreciate you taking the time to comment.

Amit,
Maybe it’s a personal thing. It’s taken me years to stop talking so much and listen more. I do respect your opinion and appreciate you taking time to share it with us. Talk on;)
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Born To Run =-.

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B2W February 10, 2010 at 11:37 am

Touch is an interesting point as you brought it up in the comments, being respectful of other cultures. I actually am empathic because I do work a 3rd shift with a majority of the coworkers being foreign nationals, ranging from Egypt, Niger, and Somalia to Vietnam and Korea to Mexico and Latin America.

Each of these cultures, as diverse as they can be, alongside with Americans, there’s a wide range of perception involving touch among each other and with other cultures.

It can be socially awkward but professionally accepted to respect these cultures as long as they understand the boundaries of touch in the workplace. The world is changing fast and many new interpretations are being formed.

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Nea | Self Improvement Saga February 13, 2010 at 8:53 pm

This post touched my heart when I read, “Imagine the other person with a sign that says, ‘Make me feel special.’”

Something so simple can change the way others see us, and even change who we are from the inside out. Great job, Tess!
.-= Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last blog ..What Love is Not – A Life Lesson on Attachment, Infatuation, and Lust =-.

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Felicity February 14, 2010 at 3:35 am

Point 8 is very intriguing. Inauthenticity is a mere blotch in human trust. Being true corrects the balance of right and wrong. Nothing ought to go wrong through it.

“Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment.” – Lao Tzu
This is a an aesthetic statement. Interpreting others shores to bonding with the outer universe. Once plumbing the route and pattern of our own behaviour or state, there’s an effulgent release of peace and appreciation of our powers to help others. Thus, we can mediate the desirable responses to acknowledge and please everyone else.

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Vision33r July 25, 2010 at 11:15 pm

The only issue I have is these are the same techniques that criminals use to gain trust from people.

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Dr. Tarak August 11, 2010 at 11:42 am

Hi, I very very like these all articals. And i wish more these type of articals. Thanks.


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ANKIT JINDAL December 21, 2010 at 10:11 am

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Blessedebony December 24, 2010 at 7:47 am

Personality embodies an individual experience, character.attitude over a period of time.

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