I’ve hesitated to write an article called “Stop Doing The Unnecessary” because it seemed so well … unnecessary.  Who wouldn’t agree with that?  How obvious can you get?  Of course in our overly busy lives we are not doing things that are unnecessary are we?

And yet in my own life and the lives of those I observe, what I see is a lot of unnecessary activities.  So I think the problem is not the advice should be to stop doing what is not necessary so much as it is getting people to see that much of what they do is unnecessary.  Then it becomes obvious they should stop it.

So let’s start with the basic idea.  In order to thrive you need to do fewer things not more.  We are forever writing down lists or thinking up things we wish we could be doing but don’t have the time to do.  We are adding to our lives when we should be subtracting from them.

I have loads more time to do things I really want to do now than I used to because I stopped doing almost everything else.  And I mean almost everything.  Some of those things were hard to stop because I thought I had to do them.  Even at your job you will find that if you just stop doing most things, nothing bad will happen.  Your boss might even notice how much more effective you are!

I recommend (and use myself) a two step approach to cutting out the unnecessary:

1. Stop doing something completely and see what happens.  Life is an experiment and so try some elimination experiments; some big ones.  It may be scary but the risky ones are the ones that provide the big payoff.
2. If you absolutely cannot stop the activity completely, apply the 80/20 rule.  If there ever was a time for the 80/20 rule it is this.  The 80/20 rule basically says that you get about 80% of the effect for 20% of the effort.  Therefore if you can live with 80% of the results, then 80% of the effort you have been expending is unnecessary.

I stopped doing Facebook and Twitter completely because I did not like the activity and I believe it was only marginally effective in promoting my blog (which was one of the main reasons for me doing it in the first place).  What I got back was time and what I got rid of was an unnecessary pain in the ass.

An example of the second might be housework or yard work.  Maybe you can stop them completely by paying someone else to do them but since money is your time I’m not sure that is the point.  However, the 80/20 rule applies here big time.  Whatever level you are at now, try getting 80% of the results with 20% of the time and see if you can live with it.

I stopped replying to most of my emails because it truly is unnecessary and I have other things I want to do.  I refuse to participate in many requested meetings.  Parents you can stop spending so much time organizing your children’s lives and let them free play or organize their own activities amongst themselves.  Talk about a win-win.  You get more free time and happier, well-adjusted, and self-sufficient children.  Stop trying to control others and you’ll be amazed at how much time and peace of mind you get back.  Stop obsessing, reading, and watching politics.  Stop committing to things that are not truly core to your values because there are other things that are more important.

People will argue about how much of what they do really is necessary.  I know because I’ve been there.  But I don’t believe it anymore.  It’s a delusion.  You feel important by being busy but in reality you are missing what is truly important.   I honestly believe the vast majority of people, and that includes you, could stop almost all of what they think is necessary and would find that most people wouldn’t notice and the world would continue to spin.  Arguing about it is a pissing match that I don’t care to engage in.  Either you get it or you don’t.

Most people won’t take such drastic advice and will continue spending their life minutes on things that are totally unnecessary and don’t contribute to their happiness.  Those who are willing to take a chance and try something different may find a whole new world opens up to them.

If you read this article and then find some trivial thing and stop it, then you will get trivial benefit.  Although I agree you should stop the trivial things, the real payoff comes when you stop the big ones.  The point of this article is not to stop a few small things.  Anyone can do that.  The true test is whether you can stop some big ones that scare you.

Finally, let me say that I know some things are necessary and you just can’t stop them.  I’m not disputing that.  What I am disputing is that much of what we define as necessary and that includes what you do, is simply not.

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I have been a big fan of Leo Babauta for several years now and have said so on this blog.  I think his book THE POWER OF LESS is fantastic.  He was a big inspiration to me and I think he was a very wise man. He probably still is, but I am beginning to wonder.  Lately he has been saying some things that make me go “huh?”.

His latest blog article is a perfect example.  If you cut out just a few sentences, you will have a very wise and reasoned position that I almost completely agree with.  However, he just takes it over the edge by saying some ridiculous things (in my opinion) and ruins his credibility.  I don’t believe he is the superhuman he makes himself out to be.  He is thousands of times more successful than I am.  I’m a pipsqueak and he’s the creator of one of the most successful blogs out there.  I grant all of that for the record.

I’m going to quote extensively from his article, but please read it all here.  He says:

I’ve notice that in the past, like many people, I was always wishing I was doing something different, thinking about what I would do in the future, making plans for my life to come, reading (with jealousy) about cool things other people were doing.

It’s a fool’s game.

Many of us do this, but if you get into the mindset of thinking about what you *could* be doing, you’ll never be happy doing what you actually *are* doing. You’ll compare what you’re doing with what other people (on Facebook and Twitter, perhaps?) are doing. You’ll wish your life were better. You’ll never be satisfied, because there’s *always* something better to do.

Amen brother Leo!

Washing dishes can be as great as anything else, if you decide to see it that way. You’re in solitude, which is a beautiful thing. If you do it mindfully, washing dishes can be pleasant as you feel the suds and water in your hands, pay attention to the dish and its texture, notice your breathing and thoughts. It’s meditation, it’s quiet, it’s lovely.

Well maybe not “as great as anything else”, but we get the point.  Make something good out of it since you are doing it anyway.  You can make it “pleasant”.

You can say the same of anything. Driving to work? Enjoy the solitude, the chance to be alone with your thoughts, or to listen to music you love, to see the world around you. In a meeting with co-workers? Pay attention to how people talk and interact, learn about the human mind, see yourself in everyone around you, learn to love anyone no matter who they are, practice giving up expectations of who people should be or what this meeting should be like.

Make the best of whatever situation you find yourself in. Learn something positive from every thing you do.  Give up expectations, etc.  Sure good advice when you find yourself doing something that actually isn’t “as great as anything else”.

Life will suck if you are always wishing you’re doing something else.

I couldn’t agree more.

I’m always where I want to be, doing what I want to be doing.

I don’t believe that for one second.

Instead, I’ve adopted the mindset that whatever I’m doing right now is perfect.

I call bullshit on that.

There’s nothing I’m ever doing that isn’t the most incredible thing on Earth.

Bullshit to the power of 10.

If everything was the most incredible thing you wouldn’t know it because you wouldn’t have anything to compare it to that was less than “the most incredible thing on earth”.  Think about it.

There is wisdom in this article if you just leave out the hyperbole about everything is always perfect.

Dear Leo,

Sometimes life does suck and it’s OK.  You don’t have to dwell on it.  You can experience the suckiness and then quickly move on.  You can try to draw a lesson  out of it.  Life is messier than you pretend.  I say “pretend” in all seriousness because I frankly don’t believe what you say. I believe you believe it sort of, but what you are doing and what you are saying aren’t the same thing.  Get real Leo, it’s OK.  You’re a human being and your life isn’t perfect or the most incredible thing on earth – even to you.  You can admit that sometimes what happens and what you are doing sucks. Please give us the good stuff in the future and leave out the nonsense.

Best Regards from a long-time admirer,

Stephen

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We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

–Thomas Jefferson author of the U.S. Declaration of Independence

On July 4th in the U.S. we celebrate our country’s independence.  While I personally believe we have lost much of that spirit of independence with the explosive growth of government encroachment in our lives, we retain at least in theory a basic level of political freedom.

On the other hand, I believe the vast majority of us have voluntarily, if unknowingly, enslaved ourselves in other ways that are just as harmful to the stated values of “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness”.

In no particular order what follows is some of the ways in which we enslave ourselves.

Independence From Stuff

I think Peter Walsh the clutter expert says it very well:

“We buy all that stuff because we think it will make us happy.  We thank that if we collect all the right things – the right home, the right clothes, the right electronics, the right cars, the right appliances – we will eventually accumulate the life we imagine for ourselves.  In buying what we want, we hope to acquire the life we desire.  …  Stuff can be a real bitch!  It’s very demanding.  It fills space.  It costs money.  it doesn’t respond to your changing needs.  It promises everything, delivers nothing, and eventually just stresses you out.  Chasing the life you want by accumulating more stuff is a dead-end street.”

– Peter Walsh

I turned 50 this year and I realize in those 50 years that no thing I have ever bought has brought me anything but temporary happiness and very temporary at that.  It’s a lesson that is hard to communicate well to others; they seem to have to learn it themselves – the hard way.  Forget stuff or you will never be pursuing genuine happiness.  I don’t care much about any of it anymore.  Eliminating your dependence on stuff is also the best way to prevent your enslavement to money and debt.  They are all basically caused by the same thing – our desire for stuff.

Independence From Others

This is a tough one because often we accept enslavement to others as just part of what we believe are necessary compromises in life.  I don’t buy it.  Whether it is family, friends, or a life partner, enslaving your life even in small ways to the wishes of others is a losing proposition.  The accumulation of a lot of “small” compromises can add up to a big loss of independence.  People complain about not having time to do things they want to do in life.  Most of the time it is because they gave away their precious life minutes in “small” chunks.  In my article about manipulative relationships. I said this:

“Time does not run backwards.  You do not get a do-over.  Please do not waste another minute with toxic or manipulative people.  When you are lying on your deathbed, it is highly unlikely you will say “Boy I’m so glad I wasted my precious life putting up with all the drama and crap in my relationships.”

If you can’t have relationships with others that respect the fact that you are independent souls, then I don’t think it is a relationship worth having at all.

Independence From Commitments

“If there is one change you could make today that would have the biggest impact on your life in terms of productivity, effectiveness, and being able to do the things you most want to do, it would be to reduce the commitments in your life.”

–Leo Babauta

Your job commitments, your church commitments, your civic commitments, your coaching commitments, your chauffeuring commitments, your children’s activity commitments, your hobby commitments, your shopping commitments, your household commitments, your PTA commitments, your neighborhood commitments, your friend commitments, your family commitments, your online commitments, and on and on the list goes.

With those commitments you have enslaved yourself and are no longer truly independent.  Refusing to commit does not in any way entail a refusal to help or volunteer or doing whatever else you feel like doing.  It means simply that you don’t commit to it ahead of time.  Commitments are enslaving.  Helping is liberating.  Big difference if you can get your head around it.

Independence From Wage Slavery

I’m taking license here with the term “slavery” because obviously we do it voluntarily in a technical sense. However, the current common practice of going to a “job” and putting in a set amount of hours for a set wage is a legacy from a past that no longer exists. The factory jobs from which that model arose are no longer the kind of work most of us do.  We need to abandon the outdated model.

Becoming independent of “stuff” and debt is one of the best ways to avoid wage slavery. Whatever your situation and especially if you are young I encourage you to find way to get paid for what you produce and not for the time or place in which you do it. I spent my life in wage slavery and if I had it to do all over again I would do whatever it takes to avoid it.

Independence From Expectations

“It is our mistaken belief that we must push life in the direction we choose that keeps us in a strained and unhappy relationship with it.  Reality has its own effortless course, and we can either embrace its way or struggle endlessly with our own.”

– Guy Finley

You pooh pooh this point at your own peril.  It’s easy to do because it is not something very many of us are taught to understand.  However, I believe it is a major cause of our own psychological enslavement.  We enslave ourselves to our own expectations of how things should be rather than accepting them as they are.  The vast majority of your stress and frustration are caused because the the way things don’t match your expectation of how they should be.

I expected Justice in the death of Caylee Anthony and today what I saw happen was a frustration of that expectation and a miscarriage of justice. It doesn’t matter what I expected, I have to accept what is and being upset about it isn’t going to help anyone – most especially myself.

Read more here about Choosing Real Freedom.

Independence From Unhealthy Habits

We become slaves to our bad habits and addictions.  We know they are bad for us but we heavily discount the long-term and succumb to the short-term as part of our human nature.  Anyone who has broken those bad habits and chosen healthier options knows the sense of freedom that necessarily results.  Breaking free is not easy but is is worth the pain and effort.  I simply refuse to be enslaved to my own bad habits any longer and have decided to choose long-term well being over short-term satisfaction.

There are many other ways we voluntarily and bit by bit enslave ourselves.  While political freedom is indeed very important, it make little difference towards Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness if we give it away in other forms.  Take this time in our national celebration of independence and consider in what ways you can take back your personal independence.

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Note from Stephen:  This is a guest article by Daniel A. Miller and is the topic of a new book by him.  The topic of letting go of control is very important and I wholeheartedly support the perspective offered by this article and the author’s book.  Please consider checking out his book and web site.

Are you stressed out and overwhelmed?   Do you want more intimacy and connection with your loved ones?  Are you lacking the time to pursue your passions?

There is a way to change all that:  let go of control—or as I like to say, lose control!

Trying to control people and events harms us and everyone around us.  It blinds us to options and choices we can make that would greatly improve our lives emotionally, spiritually, creatively and financially.   Instead we worry incessantly and become imprisoned by our fears, anger and anxiety, all of which consume inordinate amounts of needless time and energy.   This time and energy could instead be devoted to pursuing our passions—if we are willing to lose some control in our lives.

When we let go of control, our blinders come off and we can engage in life’s currents in an intuitive and expansive manner and thereby discover life’s possibilities.   Moreover, when we stop trying to control others, the focus changes from them to us.    We can then work on improving our shortcomings and enhancing our skills, talents and creativity.

In short, you will have more freedom and contentment when you lose control.   Let me share two true stories that illustrate this in two important life arenas.

Letting Go of Control at Home Creates Intimacy

With families and close friends we often want or demand more than what is (or can be) given to us.   For example, we may feel the need for more support, affection and validation from our parents.    Similarly, parents may feel the need for more respect and attention from their children.   Controlling actions are frequently the means used to try to fulfill these needs.   However, pressuring others, particularly those closest to us, breeds anger and resentment.   After all, who likes being told how they should be?

A case in point is the story of Emma, an only child who had immigrated to the United States from the “old country” after World War II, and her daughter, Anna.

Emma was ill-equipped to raise her five children in a culturally diverse country, and she made no bones about not enjoying being a mom.  Once she even told Anna that if she could do it all over again, she would not have had children.   Nevertheless, Anna was a dutiful daughter who dearly wanted a nurturing mother, and thus continually looked to Emma for support and encouragement.  But it rarely came.   Instead, Anna usually received criticism and demeaning remarks from her mother.   Yet, well into her adult life, Anna persisted in seeking what her mother was unable to give her and always got the same results.

Then one day Anna had an epiphany that dramatically changed the relationship between the two women.   Anna had seen a movie in which the heroine was viciously attacked, and the first person she called for help was her mother.   This made an impression on Anna.   She realized that her own mother would have been the last person she would have called under similar circumstances.   From that turning point, Anna stopped trying to change her mother and began accepting her for who she was—and just as important, for who she wasn’t!

Interestingly, their relationship improved dramatically.   The pressure was off Emma to be someone she wasn’t.    Over time, the two became friends and equals, and Emma began to open up more to her daughter.    When Emma later became gravely ill and was dying, Anna was there to share her mother’s final intimate moments, in which they selected the songs and prayers, even the clothes and jewelry to be worn, for Emma’s funeral.

Thus, Anna’s willingness to accept her mother as she was finally brought her the intimacy that she was unable to have by seeking it.

Letting Go of Control at Work Pays Large Dividends

The workplace is where humanity’s primal drive for sustenance and survival is most prominently played out.   As such, it is a hotbed for costly and inefficient control practices.    Being willing to lose some control at work brings unexpected rewards.

Many years ago I formed an investment partnership to purchase the largest and most expensive office building I had ever known.   I was very excited by the property’s prospects.    It seemed to have everything going for it—quality contruction and design, solid tenants and a great location.  In fact, I proudly considered it my “flagship” property.    However, shortly after the purchase the local office market took a dive and we lost key tenants.  I devoted almost all my time and energy to trying to save the property from foreclosure, including coming up with expensive promotions, remodeling the common areas and offering rent reductions.   I even changed the name of the building.

Nothing worked.   We were on the verge of losing our entire investment.  However, being the compulsive controller that I was, each defeat only caused me to press harder.   Then one day one of my partners said, “Maybe the building is the heavy anchor that is weighing you down.  Have you ever thought about unloading it so you can focus on your other properties?”

I was stunned.   The truth and common sense of what he said were immediately apparent, but I had never considered it because I was so preoccupied with trying to “save” the investment.   I then stopped “working” the property.  I mentally let it go and focused on my other properties, which I had neglected because I had been compulsively seeking a solution to a problem that was not ready to be solved.  In other words, I gave up control—although I didn’t think about it in those terms at the time.

A short time later a solution emerged that I never could have foreseen.  Two of my passive partners met with the seller of the building (who was also our lender) and negotiated a sale of the building back to him at a price that recouped half our investment.   My decision to back off turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made.   By putting my time and effort into my other properties, their collective value appreciated so much within a couple of years that it made up for the loss on the flagship property many times over.

After that I began letting go of more and more control at work.   I stopped forcing issues and pressing for solutions.   In that manner, I allowed the work “currents” to flow more naturally, and I was able to engage those currents in an intuitive manner.  What evolved was a highly efficient way of doing business in which I made fewer mistakes, had fewer diversions and had much less stress and anxiety.    I eventually cut my work time by half and made more money.

I thus had much more time and energy to explore life’s possibilities.   I became a fine artist (after never being able to draw as a child), a published poet, a seniors’ tennis champion and an author of a book about the benefits of losing control.

Letting Go of Control Helps You Find Freedom and Contentment

Work life and intimate relations are not the only life arenas in which not resisting life’s natural currents bestows remarkable rewards.   In a similar manner, letting go of control expands your creative horizons,  strengthens friendships and improves athletic and other types of performance.    As it does, you will have the time and energy—and desire—to pursue your passions, and you will no longer feel stressed out and overwhelmed.

Because control is such a deeply ingrained pattern in most of us, releasing control can be very difficult, particularly in important life issues and challenges.   For that reason, I recommend that you start by gradually giving up control in “low stake” areas of your life so that you can get comfortable with the process.   As you begin experiencing the benefits of the process, you will gain the confidence to lose control in more vital areas of your life.   And as you move forward, you will find greater freedom and contentment in your life.

Daniel A. Miller is a businessman, an artist and the author of Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go (Ebb and Flow Press, 2011), and writes about control issues at www.losingcontrolfindingserenity.com (where excerpts from his book can be read) and at blog.losingcontrolfindingserenity.com

Email is an incredible technology and I know very few people who would give it up.  I also believe it is completely out of control both at work and at home; for many of us it has become a source of frustration and stress.  The question is how do we make effective use of this wonderful tool without letting it take over our time and our lives?

My email used to be an ugly out of control monster.  I was, and to some degree still am, afraid I was going to miss out on something.  So I spent years subscribing to blogs and newsletters and handing my email addresses to one source after another.  The price I paid was steep.  I tried about every email system imaginable and while they certainly helped and sometimes helped a lot, in the end something fairly simple turned out to work the best for me.   The tips that help me slay the email monster are the following (described in more detail later):

1. Keep Your Inbox Tiny
2. Create A Review Folder
3. Label or Categorize Liberally
4. Archive or File After Reviewing
5. Use a Tool That Allows Easy Search of Archived Mail
6. Make Sure You Have an Effective SPAM Filter
7. Tune Your System Continuously

The key concept is to keep receive and keep as much email as you desire, but keep most of it out of view until you choose to look at it.  You only allow the most important and urgent email into your inbox; email that you need or want to look at immediately.  Everything else goes into one or more folders that you look at when it is convenient for you or never.  This way you can feel comfortable that your most important email will always show up prominently in your inbox without getting lost in the stream of the less important and distracting email.  At the same time the other stuff is there for another time if you so choose.  With this simple system, even if I don’t look at my inbox for a day or two or more, I no longer feel overwhelmed and out of control.  I don’t feel like I missing out on anything.  I enjoy a comfortable and optimal email experience.

The Tips

I use Gmail, but I have used other email software and these same tips can be applied to most of them.

Keep Your Inbox Tiny

The only thing you want arriving in your inbox are items you consider important and want to see immediately upon opening your email.  Be ruthless and honest about this.  Most email is not that important and you don’t want it distracting you from what is truly important.

There are many techniques for keeping your inbox tiny, but the most obvious one is to stop getting email you don’t want and will never look at.  I’ve unsubscribed my email address from most of the lists I used to be on.  If you can’t or don’t know how to get off a list then use a filter to delete it or send it to your spam folder.

Another useful technique is to send any email that you are copied on to a CC folder.  If someone chose not to directly address you, they obviously don’t consider it important that you read it immediately (or at all).

Even after dropping out of most of my subscriptions, I still get a lot of email that I want to review or keep as a searchable database.  Here is the important point: It doesn’t matter how much you keep because you don’t ever let the vast majority of it go to your inbox.  It remains hidden so you only look at this less important email stream when you feel like looking at it.  You may never look at it. Thus you can keep as little or as much as you want.  A significant portion of my email goes straight to archived folders that I never review and only look at when I’m looking for something specific.  A typical example of this is online receipts or statements that are delivered periodically online.

Create A Review Folder

The only truly successful way I’ve been able to maintain a tiny inbox is to use the concept of a review folder.  Between important email that I want in my inbox and email that I archive directly without looking at, there is a significant portion of emails that I might want to look at when I feel like it.  Examples that go in here are blogs, newsletters, magazines, news, etc.  This is the stuff that I scan for something that looks interesting and open and read at my leisure.  These are the emails that used to overwhelm my inbox.  Much of it I never open and simply archive out of my review folder into my permanent searchable email database.

Label or Categorize Liberally

I label as much email as possible with one or more labels.  Even within the review folder or inbox, I try to keep email labeled with general categories so I know what it is with a simple glance.  With Gmail (and Outlook for example) you can turn your labels a specific color for even faster recognition.  I label most blogs with a “blog” label and the very best with a “best blog” label.  There is no limit to what you can do.

There might be a wonderful newsletter or blog that I want to make sure is always readily available when I’m ready to read it.  These go directly to the labeled folder and are a special review category.  I get a health newsletter every day that is so good I want to have instant access to it by clicking on a label.  On the other hand I don’t have time to read it every day and it is certainly not urgent so I keep it out of my inbox.

Archive or File After Reviewing

It is very important that you archive or file the email out of your inbox or review folder after you have processed it.  Otherwise, the system will just turn into a giant inbox again and you might as well have never bothered.  Your other folders serve as the permanent and searchable database; you leave those emails right where they sit.

Use a Tool That Allows Easy Search of Archived Mail

One thing I like about Gmail is that when you search it, you are using the powerful and flexible Google search engine.  You can find just about anything with a few simple keywords.

Make Sure You Have an Effective SPAM Filter

I think Gmail’s spam filter is great, and reducing spam is key to conquering the monster.  Invest some time and possibly money in a good spam filtering system.  Make sure you check your spam folder periodically and “un-spam” what doesn’t belong there.  About 1/3 of the people who get email subscriptions to my blog never confirm the subscription.  I assume this is because it goes into a spam folder that is never checked.

Tune Your System Continuously

As you process email, you must continual add new filters or add new sources to existing filters.  If you add new sources you may want to drop sources you never utilize.  It takes very little time to keep a tuned system running smoothly.

Well there it is.  What do YOU think?  Leave a comment and join the conversation.

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These days there may be no scarce resource more valuable than your attention and no ability more important than being able to focus that attention.  Success, however you define it, is dependent upon your ability to focus your attention.

This is such an important topic it cannot be covered in depth in a blog article, even a long one like this.  This article will provide you valuable practical tips, but if you want to go deeper into the subject I would recommend the following resources:

Leo Babauta has written a free eBook Focus: A Simplicity Manifesto in the Age of Distraction.  It is fairly wide ranging and covers Leo’s overall simplicity and single-task focus philosophy.  Like all of Leo’s work it is well done and short.  It’s free and so it is well worth your time (a couple of hours to read).  He has a paid version with additional material that I did not purchase.

A much more content dense and frankly significantly better book is Find Your Focus Zone: An Effective New Plan to Defeat Distraction and Overload by Lucy Jo Palladino.  While Leo’s book is useful, this book is much more focused on focus and I got a lot of practical tips out of it.  Of course you have to pay for this one.

A very different book is Can I Have Your Attention?: How to Think Fast, Find Your Focus, and Sharpen Your Concentration by Joseph Cardillo.  This book contains a lot of science and interesting information.  It was a very compelling read that I couldn’t put down, but it is rather light on practical tips.

How to Improve Your Focus and Control Your Attention

1 – Improve Your Working Memory

This is something that is not very widely known, but research has clearly demonstrated that working memory capacity is is critical to both controlling your attention and the ability to ignore distractions.  I put this number one because I think it may be the most important and you ignore it at your own peril.  Working memory capacity was believed to be fixed and genetically determined, but it has been recently shown that it can be improved significantly.  Working memory also declines with age, stress, and lack of exercise.  See my article Working Memory – Why It’s Important and How To Improve It for more information.

2 – Control Your Environment

If you fail to control your environment, you will harm your ability to focus.  Even if you think you are focusing well, you will be using some working memory resources to filter out distractions.  Those resources are better utilized in the activity on which you have focused your attention.

Do not worry too much about what other people will think including your family.  Some people are offended if you put on headphones or go into another room.  As if your job at work or life is to be on instant response alert to their needs.  Get over it.  If you are truly needing to focus then you should give it your all and give your coworkers or family the full attention they deserve some other time.

• If you are exposed to auditory distractions like co-workers, TV, or family racket go somewhere quiet or try sound isolating earphones.  Play your music or stimulation sounds as described below.  If you don’t want to play sounds then just go for inexpensive foam earplugs.
• If you are exposed to visual distractions go somewhere else or block your view.  Visual distractions, especially electronic ones like TV are designed to grab your attention.  You can’t help being distracted even peripherally no matter what you think.  You simply must block it from view.  All kinds of visual distraction – the hubbub of people and activity around you for example – can be very tempting and disruptive. In your work area is open, put up plants, pictures, or other items to block your line of sight.
• Shut down any computer or electronic equipment that may potentially distract you.  Don’t use willpower to resist temptation because willpower is a limited resource.  The more you use it the less you have.  The more difficult you make it to be distracted, by shutting down email, IM, cell phones and computers, the better.  If you are working on your computer, only open the applications needed to perform the task and shut down everything else.
• For some people it also helps to eliminate clutter or other objects that might distract them – that includes photographs that may tempt them to take a trip down memory lane.

3 – Limiting Daily Disruption and Demands on Your Time

Daily disruptions and ad-hoc requests are a huge problem for most people.  We are constantly being pinged; by IM, email, text, cell phone, banners, pop-ups, etc.  Rings, pings, and bells from your friends, family, and colleagues aren’t the only problem.  Marketers via internet, television, and print ads are using sophisticated techniques informed by brain science to figure out how to grab your attention.  Your brain is wired in ways that make it almost impossible to resist these techniques.  You are increasingly bombarded with demands on your attention, and failure to control it means failure to be who you really want to be.  You do not have to respond to all of this.  Doing so simply makes a a slave to the demands of others.

“We flit from one task to another, one response to another, living a life driven by the needs of others, instead of what we need, what we feel is important.

You don’t need to respond.” –Leo Babauta

If you have trained others that your are always available to respond to requests, you need to retrain them to expect something else.  Make it clear to people when you will be available for ad hoc requests and when you aren’t.

• You can schedule blocks of uninterrupted time.
• You can put up signs in your work area that you are not available.
• You can close the door.
• You can shut down IM and email and either turn off or not answer your phone.
• You can find a privacy room, a conference room, a library, or a coffee shop to get away from others.
• You can be assertive with your valuable time and resources

4 – Be Aware of Your Stimulation Level

In her book Find Your Focus Zone: An Effective New Plan to Defeat Distraction and Overload, Lucy Jo Palladino describes the inverted U theory of performance and being in the “focus zone”.

The zone is the area between too little and too much stimulation where optimal performance can occur.  Too little stimulation leads to boredom and you are unable to maintain focus.  Too much stimulation leads to anxiousness and hyper activeness that decrease performance.

You need to monitor your stimulation level and increase it when it is too low and decrease it when it is too high.  Palladino suggest you rate your stimulation level on on a scale of 1 to 10.  To help you you with that, think of 0 (most relaxed) being equivalent to laying in a hammock stretched between palm trees on a beach; 5 (relaxed but alert) would be how you feel when you are working at your desk getting things done; 10 (most tense) would be waiting for news about a loved one after an accident.

5 – Adjust Your Stimulation Level

Depending upon the activity in which you are engaged, the level of stimulation required probably ranges between 3 and 7.  Focusing on a good novel might only be a 3 while a relaxed zone athletic performance might need to be a 7.  If you are having trouble focusing, decide whether you need to increase or decrease your your stimulation level.

To lower your stimulation level

• The very best way I have found is belly breathing.  You can do this anywhere and anytime.  You can do it more subtly than shown in this video if you are in public.
  If you don’t see the video in email click here.
• Play music or sounds that relax you.  It can be anything that works for you.  I like ocean and rain sounds.
• Take a low stimulation break.  Set outside, drink a cup of tea, take a short walk, or do some stretching.

To increase your stimulation level

• Play upbeat music or videos.  Try listening to or playing the Theme from Rocky video or Scott Joplin’s The Entertainer on the piano.  Upbeat classical music like Vivaldi’s Four Seasons is also excellent.  Play loud rock and roll music (with headphones if you are around others) or whatever gets you pumped.
• Take a power break.  It can be anything you want.  Watch funny YouTube videos, play an intense video game, run around the block or dance a little jig.  Getting up and moving around is a great way to both increase your stimulation when you are bored and decrease your stimulation when you are stressed.
• Multitask.  That’s right I said multitask.  The one time I would recommend multitasking is when you are doing something that is not stimulating.  I often do my boring tasks while watching sports on TV.  You can actually increase your focus on the boring task and perhaps keep from falling asleep or screaming in frustration by doing something else at the same time.

6 – Just Say No To Commitments

Many, if not most people enslave themselves in their commitments.  I think commitments of time and money are enormous mistakes.  If you commitment money to cars, homes, or a lifestyle, you are committing your time and focus to earning money to pay for them.  That is time and focus you will not have for what you really want.

When you commitment your time, you are making the same mistake, although time commitments may be easier to escape.  You can volunteer, help others, or do whatever else you do via commitments in a dynamic and ad-hoc way; you do not have to commit to them.  Commitments almost never fail to come back to haunt you because they show up at the worst possible time – time when you want or need to focus on something else.

I’ve written about this topic in Edit Your Life and Freedom from Commitment. You will never truly have the time or attention to focus on what you really want unless you break free of the chains of commitment.

7 – Control Your Emotions

On this blog I preach the importance of peaceful well-being.  By nature I’m a moody person and I’ve had to work hard to develop my own peace and well-being.  I still have a long way to go, but  I can attest to the importance of a calm centeredness and mindful awareness and their impact on your ability to focus your attention.  I spent many years too stressed and moody to focus effectively.  Too much adrenaline prevents you from controlling your focus.  Too much cortisol (stress hormone) and you lose the ability to focus on much of anything as well as inflicting long term damage on important parts of your brain.

Do yourself a favor and get this book which is about life not just work: Happiness at Work: Be Resilient, Motivated, and Successful – No Matter What If you check out the reviews you will see I’m not the only person who raved about it.

See these article for more information:

Put Down Those Rocks
Eliminating Your Investment in the Outcome
Top 25 Small Things You Let Ruin Your Mood
The Best Ways To Not Sweat The Small Stuff – Part I and  Part II

8 – Limit Your Stream of Information

“With so many distractions, it’s impossible to truly focus on the important.
We try to drink the stream, but it’s too voluminous and never-ending to take
in this way.” – Leo Babauta

Accept the fact that you cannot possibly absorb it all or even the teeny tiniest fraction.

“A weekday edition of The New York Times contains more information than the average person was likely to come across in a lifetime in seventeenth-century England.”  — Theodore Roszak

I used to have a severe problem with limiting my stream because I was suffering from the fear of missing out.  The trouble is that when you try to drink from the fire hose of  available information, you actually do miss out.  You are so distracted and overwhelmed you don’t have time to absorb and integrate anything valuable.  When I finally stood up to the fear and just let it go I was able to reduce the stream to something interesting and manageable.

You do not have to read / listen to/ watch every available tweet, Face Book update, IM, email, news update, blog article (except mine of course), podcast, TV show, or video.  I would recommend starting from scratch.  Get rid of all your sources of information and add back only those you truly need or want.  I’ve probably eliminated 95% of my stream over the last couple of years.

Well there it is.  What do YOU think?  Leave a comment and join the conversation.

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In today’s world of information overload, people move quickly from sound bite to sound bite.  To be successful with your message and to avoid be washed away in the sea of noise, you must connect quickly and convey effectively.  You must transmit something meaningful in the small window in which you have been granted the benefit of their attention.  This is true in face-to-face as well as electronic communication.  How many times, even when you are physically present with someone, are they distracted by some electronic device?  Failure to connect with someone and convey meaning to them quickly will often lead to failure.   Here are some tips:

• Present the Big Idea First – Don’t ramble and slowly build up to the big idea or you are likely to lose your audience.  A much better tactic is to present the big idea right up front and then try to prove it with what follows.
• The Eyes Are Most Important -  Humans are visual creatures and pictures are truly worth a thousand words.  Slides with text don’t work near as well as slides with pictures.  Think how much is conveyed in a cartoon picture with a short caption – for example.
• Trim the Data Fat – We now routinely ignore most of the information that we are blasted with simply as a defense mechanism.  Make your message stand out with simple, concise, and clear content.
• Tell a Short Story – Humans evolved telling stories.  Long stories may have worked in the past, but the key in today’s world is to make them short or people will tune out.  I recently read a book I really liked, but it started out with a long story. As valuable a lesson as the story contained, I am willing to bet the author lost a lot of people before they made it to the end of that initial story.
• Show Confidence and Decisiveness – Displaying confidence and decisiveness make you more credible and will lead to a greater likelihood you will convince your audience.  Many times in my work career people have complained to me “I told them the same thing but they only believe it when they hear it from you.”  A forceful, confident, and decisive manner makes all the difference.
• Aim For the Heart – The most rational person in the world cannot make a decision without their emotions.  This is a demonstrable scientific fact.  If you want someone to decide in your favor or buy what your selling, then appeal to their emotions first and their intellect second.

There is so much more that could be said on this topic but in the spirit of the message, I think this will do for now.

What do YOU think?  Leave a comment and join the conversation.

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“Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.” — Lao Tzu

I dream of being lazy, of having all day to just do whatever I feel like at any moment.  I dream of being able to do only a few things that don’t take a lot of time, but that matter a great deal – or not.  I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to do less.  The world is full of energetic and ambitious people being busy but not doing a whole lot that matters.  The world is full of active people trying to force their ideas on others.  How I wish they would get lazy and shut up.

I don’t like chores and I choose to avoid them to whatever degree possible.  When I have free time and free days, I don’t often exert myself; a lot of people viewing me sitting around reading a book might call me lazy. That’s OK, I’m not going to spend my precious minutes doing things I don’t want to do and I don’t think anyone else should either.  Today I was sitting on a bench in my back yard reading a book while the hummingbirds buzzed around.  It was glorious.  My lazy butt wasn’t bothering anyone, but some ambitious hard-working neighbor was outside blasting his 1,000 decibel leaf blower.  Please neighbor, be lazy on Saturday afternoon!

The word “lazy” carries a negative connotation and is mostly used in a pejorative manner.  Something similar to “Get your lazy butt off the couch and do something around here” has probably been uttered billions of times and most of us have said or heard it.  People who lack the drive to work hard and succeed in the manner the culture defines as proper are also frequently considered lazy.

Despite working extremely hard through a lot of my life, I’ve been called lazy at times.  I’ve called other people lazy when I probably shouldn’t have.  Most of the time people are simply projecting their values on someone else.  We throw the word “lazy” around far too often when we are judging other people’s free choice to live their lives as they see fit.  If you are taking care of yourself and are not a burden on others, as far as I’m concerned you can be as lazy as you want.

Imagine a young man who gets home from work, changes clothes and throws his dirty outfit on the floor of his bedroom, invites some of his buddies over and they order pizza and beer and settle in to watch a football game.  They leave pizza cartons and empty beer bottles lying around.  His apartment is a mess with junk piled everywhere.

This young man has a new girlfriend with a “better” job (i.e. makes more money) and she moves into his apartment.  She is a very neat, hard-working, ambitious young woman.  We all know what happens.  Slowly over time she starts demanding that he conform to her lifestyle.  She’s always on his back about getting a better job.  She calls him lazy for not doing more household chores.  She’s always mad about his mess and she tells her friends he just sits on his lazy butt watching TV.

But why are her lifestyle choices better than his?  Why does his choosing to live by a different set of values make him lazy?  What makes her right and him wrong?  She simply has a different set of values than him and wants him to change to conform to hers.  We have to be very careful about thinking we are superior to someone else because we choose to work “harder” or live differently than they do.  They are not lazy because they make different choices than we do.  They may be lazy by the technical definition of the word, but that shouldn’t carry a negative connotation; it’s simply a different choice.

Imagine another young man who chooses to live simply.  He doesn’t want or need much.  He has a part-time job in a bookstore to pay his meager bills and he spends his much valued free time reading and being in nature.  His small apartment is very neat and minimalist.  It’s not that he works hard at keeping things neat, he just doesn’t do or buy things to make much of a mess.   He’s a nice quiet guy whom people like despite thinking he is a little bit strange.  His new girlfriend dreams of a house in the suburbs raising soccer-playing kids and driving an SUV.  They are in trouble.

I think most of us would think the second young man is superior to the first, even though he actually works less than the pizza-eating beer drinker (BTW, I drink beer).  The soccer mom, the ambitious career woman, the beer drinker, and the simple man are all different people with different values. This article is not about picking more compatible mates, even though that is important.  Even in much less extreme cases, people expect their partners to have the same values as themselves.  Your partner is not lazy because he or she chooses to be different than you.  Your choices are not intrinsically better, they are just different.

There are times however, when I think it is appropriate to call someone lazy and to judge them harshly.  Anyone who forces someone else to take care of them is in my mind a lazy bum.  I’m not talking about people who are physically or mentally incapable of taking care of themselves, but those who can but don’t.  The word “force” is key here.  When you vote the taxpayers money into your pockets so you don’t have to support yourself, you are a lazy bum.  When you force someone to wait on you, you are a lazy bum.  As long as people are freely choosing to take care of others, I have no problem with it.  Remember Tom Sawyer who recruited people to whitewash the fence?  Was he lazy or smart?

Those who choose to take it easy are just fine in my book.  The fact that they choose to do something different than what you think they should do, only means that they choose differently than you.

What do YOU think?  Leave a comment and join the conversation.

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If you have followed me for any length of time you will realize that I am NOT a proponent of doing things that make you miserable.  I do not recommend staying in a job you hate or any other life-killing behavior.  However, on the assumption that at the moment you are in a circumstance or situation that is making you miserable, and that at the moment it is the best alternative you have in front of you, there are some things you can do to improve your experience of it.

This article is focused on work, but the general principles can be applied to any circumstance you turn into misery for yourself.  The following are some of the things that work best for me and I think if you put them into practice they will work for you as well.  I’m going to use the example of a job you don’t like for much of this article, but the ideas can be applied to anything.

Accept That You Don’t Control the Universe

If I could snap my fingers right now and be free from having to earn a living, be transported to a beautiful white sand tropical beach in front of a lovely glass-fronted home, and be waited on by beautiful half-naked girls in grass skirts, I would snap my fingers.  But alas, the universe doesn’t work that way.  Instead I will continue to write this article.

You control your actions and sometimes things go your way, but mostly they do not.  Even if it is possible, whatever it would take me to get to the home on the tropical beach with the grass skirts would not be worth it (and after a few months it would lose its impact), so here I am writing this article happily.  When you accept that you control your actions but not the outcomes, you automatically become much happier and thus less miserable.  Stop continually focusing on the gap between where you are and where you want to be and your misery level will drop dramatically.

Accept That You Choose Your Actions

If you say you have to go to a job you don’t like, you are speaking a falsehood.  You do not have to do anything.  You are choosing to do it because you believe it is the best alternative you have at the moment.  I know people who don’t work, who don’t have an income, and are overweight.  Somehow they have shelter and eat more than they need without going to a job they hate.  And they have consciously made that choice.  When you truly accept that you are choosing your actions, there is an immediate and significant change in attitude that improves your outlook.  You chose it so stop wallowing in your self-pity.

If You Are Going to Do It, Get Something Out of It

This is one of the most neglected methods of finding the positive in something you don’t like.  I guarantee you there are a huge number of opportunities in and at your work to develops skills that will improve your life.  You can learn peaceful well-being at a job you don’t like and you will thereby gain a huge benefit that will last the rest of your life.

Ignore what you don’t like about your job and instead focus on your skills training.  Screw the job and enroll yourself in The University of Self-Growth – your employer is paying your tuition and providing the classroom.

• When you walk into the office instead of telling yourself how much you don’t want to be there, enthusiastically and with a smile greet the people you see.  Start your day off with a bang and practice an optimistic outlook.
• Practice not gossiping and talking about other people negatively.
• You can literally spend all day practicing being in the moment, not being affected by what happened five minutes ago and not worrying about what is going to happen tomorrow.  An incredible skill-building opportunity!
• Work on building personal and professional networks.
• When you write emails or other documents, practice your written communication skills.  Work on a crisp, clear, style of writing that is perfect for emails.  You can also practice presentation skills and computer skills.
• Take any training offered that gets you away from the job and lets you build useful skills.  Ask for training for anything you can relate to your job.  You will be surprised how often it is allowed.
• By definition if it is a job you don’t really like, you will have tremendous opportunity to practice the skills of remaining calm in stressful situations, detaching from outcomes, looking for the bright-side of things, and being happy no matter what your circumstances.
• Work on improving your negotiation skills.
• Practice the art of listening.
• Practice the art of understatement.
• Practice being engaging and witty.
• Stay alert at all times for opportunities to grow in some way.  You will never run out of them.

To get the benefit, you have to stay aware of consciously building specific skills.  Otherwise, you’ll just fall back into the “I hate my job” habits.

Reflect on the Positive

Take some time to deeply reflect on the positive benefits of whatever it is you are choosing to do that you don’t like.  And I mean some time to reflect deeply.  If you go to a job you don’t like five days a week, then spend 30 minutes any time you feel down reflecting on what you get out of it.  I know people who say they don’t like their job who use that job to obtain:

• An active single social life at trendy places
• A beautiful climate-controlled home
• Travel and Vacations
• Nice cars and clothing
• A wonderful family who is well clothed, fed, and schooled

The list is endless.  Reflect on the fact that probably most of the people in the world would snap their fingers to have the life you you have.  Think about the other joys you have in your life that the job you dislike makes possible.  Think of that beautiful smiling child you are taking care of by doing what you are doing.

Whatever it is you are doing, reflect on why you chose to do it and focus on those positives and do not dwell on what is making you miserable.  I’ve done this and it works wonders for me.

Don’t Take The Train Ride of Misery

An architect was building a magnificent cathedral.  During an inspection he passed three workers toiling away in the hot sun doing the exact same task – smashing rocks with a sledgehammer.  He asked each what he was doing and why.  The first man answered “I’m breaking rocks because I get paid to break rocks.”  The second man answered “I’m making small stones that will go into the wall of that building and I do it to feed my family.”  The third man answered “I’m helping construct a wonderful cathedral.  People will come from far away to gaze upon its marvels.  I’m doing it so I can learn how to build a cathedral.”

When you are starting to do whatever it is that is making you miserable, you have a choice and it is truly your choice.  It is not being forced upon you.  You can chose to hope on the train full of miserable complaining people and join in all the wallowing, or you can skip it and take a nice pleasant walk instead.  This was a very hard lesson for me to learn, but I finally learned it.  I spent years talking myself into frequent misery and joining others on the misery train.  I still fall into that trap sometimes because I am human.  As often as I can remember to make that choice, I talk a pleasant walk instead.

If There Was Ever a Job For the 80/20 Rule

If you can get 80% of the results with 20% of the effort then this is the time to apply it.  If you don’t like cleaning the house then don’t try to make it spotless.  Get in the moment and spend a small amount of time happily making it look decent instead of a lot of time making it look perfect.

Apply the 80/20 rule at work every day.  On the least desirable tasks, spend 20% of your time getting most of the results and then move on to something better.  Most people have far more leeway in their job than they believe.  If you will simply get the courage to take control and empower yourself you will be surprised by the results.

You can’t work intensely and enthusiastically for hours on end without burning out.  Besides if you don’t like your job you’ll never be motivated to work like that.  So what most people do is a half-assed, hit and miss, watching the clock, wallowing in their misery job.  So consider an alternative win-win that you can feel good about.

Work intensely and hard, really getting into it for a period of time; say 30 to 45 minutes.  Then alternate that with a break; even a longish break.  Take a walk, take a nap, meditate, listen to some music, read a book, surf then internet, go into the coffee bar, or whatever you can get away with.  If you do this throughout the day, your employer and you will both benefit.  You will contribute more to him and you will get more out of it than doing it the miserable half-assed way.  You will probably be many times more productive than you were before.  I can also guarantee you that the time you spend working will be more enjoyable as a result.  Forcing yourself to go with gusto for a period of time is much easier and more enjoyable than sloshing through a whole day.  Don’t feel guilty or feel like you are cheating because you are not.  It is a win-win.

Focus is the Key Point

You are miserable when you focus on the things that are wrong.  You are happy when you focus on what is right.  Focus on what you can learn from whatever you are doing to help you in the future.  Focus on the moment and not the miserable past or your worried future.

In A Word It’s “Attitude”

I could go on and on, and perhaps I’ve gone on too long already.  I wish I could explain it in 200 words, but I can’t.  Ultimately it’s something you have to experiment with and work out yourself.

The bottom line is you can choose a positive or a negative attitude about whatever you are doing and in that choice lies the difference between joy and misery.

What do YOU think?  Leave a comment and join the conversation.

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The way we work and live is not conducive to maximal effectiveness.  In our rush-around modern lives we try to live by one long pulse during the day and then rest at night.  We are working too long and too continuously.  We are burning up our mental and emotional reserves without giving them a chance to renew.

The sleep cycle is critical to our health and most people need more than they get – 7 to 9 hours.  During the day we need to adopt a more pulsing rhythm; one that can be likened to waves.  The crest of the wave represents your burst of focus and activity and the trough your renewal time.   Instead of pulsing like waves we are paddling continuously on a flat ocean.  As a result we are less effective.  In the push for more-better-faster, we are actually doing less-worse-slower.

We are much more effective if we work in bursts of intense and focused energy and then take time to rest and renew.  Given the chance many people naturally take a nap in the afternoon.  Research indicates that after an afternoon nap you can continue to produce at a high level the rest of the day.  Without a nap, output falls dramatically.  The culture in many organizations will prevent napping, but it is a highly recommended way to renew.

Here are some tips you might want to consider.  Even though you are not working as many total hours you will likely produce a lot more.

Work in 40 to 90 minute pulses

You need to work long enough to really get absorbed and into the flow, but not too long.

Renew in 10 to 60 minute breaks

The length of the break depends on the length and intensity of the pulse.  There are no rules here.  Find a rhythm that works for you.  The key is to ride your waves and then take time to renew.

Renewal breaks must be real

Switching from an intensely creative effort to processing a batch of email may seem like a break, but it is pseudo-renewal.  It may be better than nothing, but you need real renewal.  Some suggestions:

• Take a 20 to 30 minute power nap
• Go for a walk, preferably in nature – don’t think about work
• Talk a casual stroll around the office
• Focused breathing
• Meditation
• Work Out
• Yoga
• Eat lunch away from your desk, preferably with friends
• Get up and go chat with a colleague or friend
• Read something light and cheerful
• Close your eyes and listen to some music

Some day organizations will wake up and pay for output and not time.  In the meantime, if you work for someone who doesn’t get it then you might have to get creative:

• Take your laptop or paper materials and go hide in a conference room – look like you are going to meet with someone.
• Put on some headphones with music and pretend you are looking through some papers – you don’t actually have to be doing anything other than resting.
• Walk around the office like you are going to the printer room or break room, etc.  Take your time.
• If you are on a leash and collar go sit in the bathroom.  It may sound silly, but desperate circumstances call for desperate measures.

What do YOU think?  Leave a comment and join the conversation.

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