Consider this: one month from now you can have easily taken 300 steps towards your highest values.  In three months 900 and in a year 3,650.  It’s very simple and surprisingly powerful.  I’m not a big proponent of commitments that will tie you down and that’s what is so beautiful about the daily 10.  You are only making one commitment and that’s to the daily 10 itself, and those 10 things can be whatever you want them to be on any particular day.

We all need help and reminders to live our life in a way that progresses us towards what we value the most.  Otherwise our survival brains will cause us to live in a way our conscious brains don’t necessarily want us to live.  We will fail to do those things we know we should and we will do things we know we shouldn’t.  What follows is a simple tool to help you achieve your highest values on a daily basis.  It’s so simple and flexible it can be whatever you make it.  However, the cumulative power of tiny actions day after day can be immense.  It has been very effective for me.

Here’s how it works:

Step 1:  Create your list of highest values.  I like to list 10 but it can be whatever number you want.  Here is a nice checklist to give you some ideas on values you can choose: Values Checklist.  Review and revise the list as often as necessary.

Step 2:  Every day create your list of 10 “do’s” and “don’ts” for that day.  These do’s and don’ts are anything you can do or avoid doing that day that are consistent with and progress you towards those values you listed in step 1. Each and every item on your list of 10 must be related to something in your value list.  You are not creating a list of things you have to do that aren’t related to your values.  The most important thing to keep in mind when creating this list every day is that these actions can be very tiny and simple actions.  If you think you are going to create a list of 10 major accomplishments every day you are simply going to create a failure list.

Step 3:  At the end of every day note whether you did what you said you would do.  This is a powerful incentive.  If you failed on any one thing during the day then you simply note you did not do what you said you would do.

Repeat steps 2 and 3 every day.

The daily 10 can be work, personal, or preferably both.  Sometimes you will want to list important, urgent, and significant tasks, but more often they should just be small things that over time will massively improve your life.  The number 10 is not magic, it can be anything you want.  I like to evenly mix do’s and don’ts together but that too is flexible.

As an example of a don’t I use that helps me achieve one of my values of  “Health”, I have been putting “No extra snacking” on my daily 10.  This is a bad habit I’ve developed and I want to kill it.  So every day I put it on my list of daily 10.  Every time I’m tempted to have an unscheduled snack, I remember how much I don’t want to write that I did not do what I said I would do that day.  You can’t just fill up your list with habits.  It would be cheating to put something like this on my daily list if I was going to do it anyway – if it was already a habit.  Only put these habit type items on your list when you are working towards creating a good habit or killing a bad habit.  Once you have succeeded then it isn’t needed on your list anymore.

If you value your relationship with your daughter you might add an item once in a while like “Ask (daughter’s name) how her day went after dinner tonight.  If you want to get something started or finished you have been procrastinating put it on your list.  You can put “Stop by and chat with Sally for 5 minutes this morning” or anything else however large or small that will make you the person you want to be.

There aren’t any real rules.  It is totally flexible, but you must stick with it every day.  If you start letting things slip and failing to do what you say you are going to do, then it will just deteriorate into another useless waste of time.  If you find you are frequently writing that you didn’t do what you said you were going to do, then make the list smaller and easier.  Start with 5 tiny don’ts.  Don’ts are easier than do’s.  If you get into the habit of achieving your daily 10 (or 5 or 7) you can ratchet up the significance of the items on the list.

Give it a shot for a month.  You might be surprised at how effective it can be.

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So many of us in particular and our culture in general have lost sight of the ends to which we should be striving.  Things like freedom, intellectual growth, happiness,  social relationships, and general well-being.  We have allowed the means to these values to become the ends towards which we endlessly strive.  We constantly are piling up the means, but forgetting the ends to which those should lead.

This is where we are at with the means becoming more important than the ends:

This is where we should be with the ends more important than than the means:

The most obvious of these is money.  It has ceased to be a means to more valuable ends like freedom and has instead has become an end in itself and indeed an obstacle to freedom.  Instead of buying freedom is it buys most people slavery.  Those who accumulate enough chips to buy their freedom usually don’t.  Instead they just continue striving for more.  It has become the end that is pursued for it’s own sake; as a measuring stick for success and status (regardless of what some may claim).

But it’s not just money, it’s happening with just about everything.  Electronic gadgets which should be used as tools for convenience and to connect have become an absurd end in themselves.  The gadget buying for no other reason than to have the latest and greatest has gone over an obscene cliff and shows no signs of slowing down.  I’m not a luddite, but I want to use gadgets as a means to something better. They are like a car with 1,000 unneeded options.  Once you get past heat and air and comfortable seats the rest is pretty much fluffy status.

Our homes are no longer for shelter or an anchoring place for family and friends.  They have become monstrously oversized status symbols or even alleged investments.  They are expensive to buy and operate and many people not only don’t own their home (because the bank owns 100% of the property), but they also owe them some part of the rest of their future wealth.  Congratulations you are now a slave to financial institutions.  Expect them someday to go bankrupt and then get the government to steal more of your money to bail them out.

Our children’s activities are supposed to give them a rich life experience.  Instead they have become a competitive status activity that makes the kids miserable and allows the parents to live vicariously.

Facebook and similar sites were supposed to be a way to connect with family and friends and instead have become a place to display your fake self and compete to see who can have the most fake “friends”.   Facebook is no longer a means to something better, it has become an end in itself.  Do you “Facebook”?

What Are Your Values?

It can’t be money because money is only a medium of exchange and in itself is completely worthless (and government policy makes it less valuable in exchanges).

Stop and think about what you truly value.  I listed some of mine at the beginning of this article – freedom, intellectual growth, happiness, social relationships, and general well-being.

I seriously doubt that anyone actually values an iPad 11 (I know it doesn’t exist).  You want an iPad 11 because it can do three things the iPad 10 can’t.  So what?  Exactly what do those three things contribute to your ultimate values?  I suggest exactly nothing.  Is downloading a movie on your 4G phone in 5 seconds going to make you happy?  If it does you are in serious need of help

The beautiful thing about life is that means to those ultimate values can be achieved by some of the simpler things you can do in life.  In the pursuit of success, happiness, and freedom we have lost sight of those ultimate ends and become stuck in an endless game of piling up means.

If we can focus on our ultimate values and adjust our relationship to the means, we will be a lot more likely to thrive in the only thing that really counts; our experience of life.

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Note From Stephen:  I’ve been on vacation and busy with other things and have not had much time to write articles.  This is a slightly modified version of an article I published about a year ago.

“Your life can be an adventure – a continuing stream of new pleasures, excitement, and satisfactions.  You can have meaningful, problem-free friendships; you can have love that’s intense and exciting without burdens and compromises; you can produce income in ways that are fun; you can having thrilling experiences that don’t lead to bad consequences.”  — Harry Browne

There is an ultimate aloneness to human existence.  You cannot get into someone else’s head and they cannot get into your yours.  No matter how close you are to someone, it is an illusion to think they truly understand you or you truly understand them. At some level you can share your experiences, but ultimately you are alone with your own experiences and you will get along better in life if you accept that and figure out what it means to you.

Being alone and recognition of that reality is part of the maturation process; part of becoming an individual human being.  Nobody else has your unique DNA, experiences, feelings, thoughts, and needs.  Don’t just accept that uniqueness, celebrate it.  It’s what makes you you.  It gives you a natural monopoly on something that is truly unique in the world.

Most people hide from this basic fact and end up being absorbed into a relationship or group or culture and accepting the values and expectations of others.  In their flight from their ultimate aloneness, they end up living according to the standards and dictates of others.  We go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, work towards retirement, and eventually die all because that’s what we are “supposed” to do.  Sounds great doesn’t it!?

My friends often ask me for advice on what do do about some issue.  I hate to give specific advice.  When somebody asks “What should I do?” or “Should I do X or Y?”, I don’t want to answer specifically.  I cannot be them.  I cannot put myself into their situation.   To tell them what they should do is assuming that I can put myself in their place and I cannot.

The only way to be truly free is to discover that unique person that is you.  Many of you don’t know who that is because you’ve lived with constant pressure to behave according to the norms of others; your parents, your friends, your culture, and your partner.  These have likely exerted a great influence on what you think are your values and tastes.  This means that who you think you are and what you think you like and need, may just be a result of what you’ve absorbed from others.  It doesn’t represent the real and unique you.  This is not the way to peaceful well-being and happiness.

Are you:

• Accepting the presence of a family member you would rather not be around?
• Accepting a relationship (any kind of relationship) that is no longer (or may never have been) healthy and happy?
• Afraid to end unhealthy relationships because you fear the drama of the breakup or you believe to end it would be cruel or selfish?
• Accepting a job you really didn’t or don’t now want?
• Living somewhere when you’d rather be living somewhere else?
• Letting those close to you dominate you to keep the peace?
• Caring for or supporting a relative because “It’s the right thing to do”?
• Accepting commitments and obligations that restrict your time or freedom because it seems right or because you didn’t realize the consequences when you accepted it?
• Doing anything because someone else thinks you should?

If you are doing any of those things or anything else out of a sense of obligation, guilt, or because you’ve been taught you should, you are caught in the trap of family and social restrictions.

It is often the case that we are not doing what we really want to do, but what we think we should want to do.  We’ve absorbed some value that is not consistent with our true nature.  We are living according to those false values and are creating internal conflict within ourselves.  This is a source of our daily stress, discomfort, and unhappiness.

For example, we may push ourselves relentlessly to be successful because we think that we value a certain kind of success.  Deep inside we may just want to relax and enjoy a simple life.  The false value is something that we’ve absorbed from others.

Ways to Discover Your True Self

You were probably born with your true self.  It was and is your deep and natural core before you were socialized to be something different.  It’s unpretentious and following it will lead you to your most authentic joy and happiness.

Pay Attention to Your Reactions and Feelings

What makes you uncomfortable?  What makes you happy?  Watch for surges in positive and negative emotions and note what caused it.  Don’t be afraid and don’t repress.  If you discover something you don’t like about yourself, it doesn’t help to pretend like it isn’t there.  You may not like it because you’ve been told by everyone your whole life you shouldn’t like it.  That’s not a reason.

When I’m expected to do something just to please someone else or there is some expectation to do something that I don’t want to do, I get those surges of negative emotions.  It’s not me.  The fact that these things might not bother some other people is irrelevant.  They are not me.  If I repress those and allow that inner conflict to exist, I’m simply fighting who I am in order to adhere to someone else’s values.  Who made that rule anyway and why am I supposed to live by it?

What other people do is their decision and their right and what you do is your decision and your right.

Alone Time

If you don’t spend some time alone, you will likely be influenced and inhibited by other people.  You have to get away from people you know to think and experience without their influence.  You can then discover things about you that you might not otherwise have known.  When I vacation by myself, I do different things than when I vacation with my family or others.  And it’s not just because it’s a different kind of vacation, it’s because when I’m not being influenced by others, I am much more likely to do what my true self really wants to do.

Do Something Different

I didn’t think I would like symphonies, operas, or ballets but I do.  If I hadn’t gone I wouldn’t know.  Do as many novel things as you possibly can and pay attention to your reactions.

Pay Attention To Your Fantasies

What do you fantasize and dream about?  Seriously, those are signals hat you need to explore.  Try to experience some of them and see what happens.

Your Life Purpose

This is not the same thing as your true self, but a related and interesting exercise can be found at Steve Pavlina’s How to Discover Your Life Purpose in About 20 Minutes

What do YOU think?  Leave a comment and join the conversation.

Get Free Updates to The Rat Race Trap by Email here or via a reader in the top left sidebar.  I would love to have you on board.

Knowing you count for something is an incredibly powerful feeling.  Knowing that you are needed, important, and that you make a difference gives meaning to your life.  Victor Frankl discovered meaning in a concentration camp.  Making something good out of something bad even in tiny ways is something you can do every day.

I don’t believe in crusades. When I say “crusades” I’m talking about mass movements or organizations out to change the world, the city, or the neighborhood. Crusades and crusaders usually become an end in themselves. Even if they don’t, the lion’s share of time and effort still go to the crusade itself and not to the objective of the crusade. I’m not saying there are not good organizations out there because there are, but no crusade will ever match the power of individual human action.

“I am done with great things and big things, great institutions and big success, and I am for those tiny, invisible molecular moral forces that work from individual to individual, creeping through the crannies of the world like so many rootlets, or like the capillary oozing of water, yet which if you give them time, will rend the hardest monuments of man’s pride.” — William James

Vin Miller and his Natural Bias blog on health mean more to me than all the narcissistic braying by the POTUS and the D.C. crowd on health care. When you pick up the groceries on the sidewalk that spilled when your elderly neighbor dropped the grocery bag, you are doing more than the AARP organization that enriches itself by preying on the fears of its elderly members. If you own one acre of wild land and you let it be, you are doing more than Al Gore who lives in a 20,000 sq ft. 8-bathroom carbon sucking behemoth and jets all over the world talking about global warming.

One of the readers of this blog sent me an email saying only the following: “Yours is by far the best blog on the internet, should be required reading in this crazy world.” That one sentence meant more to me than anything ever said in a 25-year career in corporate slavery.

As long as there is somebody who needs something and you are doing something about it, you are making a difference. Your life thereby gains meaning and purpose. You don’t need to change the world and you don’t need to feed your ego like crusaders and celebrities. You can make more of a difference by engaging in small little acts of kindness towards your fellow human beings.

Here are some links on ideas for small acts of kindness.  I know there are a lot more out there and if you or you know of someone who has made such a list, put the URL in the comments and I will add it to the list below.

Not So Random Random Acts of Kindness
Index of Kindness Ideas
29 Ways to Carry Out Random Acts of Kindness Every Day

What do you think? Leave a comment below.

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“Someday.  One day.  When.  If.  Then it’s over.  When are we going to wake up and realize this is life?”  — Kerry and Chris Shook

On your tombstone there will be two dates.  On mine I hope it will be something like this 1961 – 2061.  It might look like this 1961 – 2009.   The first date and the last date are two things you have no control over and really don’t matter.  All that really matters is the dash in the middle.

“So when your eulogy is being read…
With your life’s actions to rehash…
Would you be proud of the things they say…
About how you spent your dash?”

I’ve tweeted this really short and really inspirational video multiple times.  Recently a reader suggested I use it for ideas.  I decided I would just link to the dash and let you watch for yourself.  It only takes a couple of minutes.  The Dash

No matter how long or short the dash, there is one thing you can be sure of and that is it will seem short.

“You get to choose how to spend that little dash of time between the two dates of your earthly existence.  What are you spending yours on?  Are you living the dash, knowing fully who you are and why you’re here?  Or dashing to live, hurriedly spending precious time chasing things that really don’t matter to you?”  — Kerry and Chris Shook

What do you think? Leave a comment below.

Get Free Updates to The Rat Race Trap by Email here or via a reader in the top left sidebar.  I would love to have you on board.

There is an ultimate aloneness to human existence.  No matter how close you are to someone, it is an illusion to think they truly understand you or you truly understand them.  At some level you can share your experiences, but ultimately you are alone with your own experiences and you will get along better in life if you accept that and figure out what it means to you.

Being alone and recognition of that reality is part of the maturation process; part of becoming an individual human being.  Nobody else has your unique DNA, experiences, feelings, thoughts, and needs.  Don’t just accept that uniqueness, celebrate it.  It’s what makes you you.  It gives you a natural monopoly on something that is truly unique in the world.

Most people hide from this basic fact and end up being absorbed into a relationship or group or culture and accepting the values and expectations of others.  In their flight from their ultimate aloneness, they end up living according to the standards and dictates of others.

Most of us do indeed accept the culture, the standards, and the expectations handed to us from others.  We go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, work towards retirement, and eventually die all because that’s what we are “supposed” to do.  Sounds great doesn’t it!?

My friends often ask me for advice on what do do about some issue.  I don’t know why, but I think it is partly because I’m older than most of them (much older than many of them).  I think they see me as some old grandfather that dishes out wisdom!    I hate to give specific advice.  When somebody asks “What should I do?” or “Should I do X or Y?”, I don’t want to answer specifically.

I cannot be them.  I cannot put myself into their situation.  I cannot get inside their head.  We are different individual, alone with ourselves.  To tell them what they should do is assuming that I can put myself in their place and I cannot.  Despite that fact, there is no shortage of “for your own good” advice that gets dished out.  I’m sure you know what I mean.

The only way to be truly free is to discover that unique person that is you.  Many of you don’t know who that is because you’ve grown up and lived in the presence of pressures to behave according to the norms of others; your parents, your friends, your culture, and your partner.  These have likely exerted a great influence on what you think are your values and tastes.  This means that who you think you are and what you think you like and need, may just be a result of what you’ve absorbed from others.  It doesn’t represent the real and unique you.  Taking on the values of others leads to a lot of frustration and unhappiness.

Are you:

• Accepting the presence of a family member you would rather not be around?
• Accepting a relationship (any kind of relationship) that is no longer (or may never have been) healthy and happy?
• Afraid to end unhealthy relationships because you fear the drama of the breakup or you believe to end it would be cruel or selfish?
• Accepting a job you really didn’t or don’t now want?
• Living somewhere when you’d rather be living somewhere else?
• Letting those close to you dominate you to keep the peace?
• Caring for or supporting a relative because “It’s the right thing to do”?
• Accepting commitments and obligations that restrict your time or freedom because it seems right or because you didn’t realize the consequences when you accepted it?
• Doing anything because someone else thinks you should?

If you are doing any of those things or anything else out of a sense of obligation, guilt, or because you’ve been taught you should, you are caught in a trap of family and social restrictions.

It is often the case that we are not doing what we really want to do, but are doing something because we think we should want to do it.  We’ve absorbed some value that is not consistent with our true nature.  We are living according to those false values and are creating internal conflict within ourselves.  This leads to stress, discomfort, and unhappiness.

For example, we may push ourselves relentlessly to be successful because we think that we value a certain kind of success.  Deep inside we just want to relax and enjoy life.  The false value is something that we’ve absorbed from family, friends, or society.

Ways to Discover Your True Self

Your true self was probably born with you.  It is your deep and natural core before you were socialized to be something different.  It’s unpretentious and following it will lead to your most authentic joy and happiness.

Pay Attention to Your Reactions and Feelings

What makes you uncomfortable?  What makes you happy?  Watch for surges in positive and negative emotions and note what caused it.  Don’t be afraid and don’t repress.  If you discover something you don’t like about yourself, it doesn’t help to pretend like it isn’t there.  You may not like it because you’ve been told by everyone your whole life you shouldn’t like it.  That’s not a reason.

When I’m expected to do something just to please someone else or when there is some obligation to do something involving someone else that I don’t want to do, I get those surges of negative emotions.  It’s not me.  The fact that these things might not bother some other people is irrelevant.  They are not me.  If I repress those and allow that inner conflict to exist, I’m simply fighting who I am adhere to someone else’s values.  Who made that rule anyway and why am I supposed to live by it?

What other people do is their decision and their right and what you do is your decision and your right.

Alone Time

If you don’t spend some time alone, you will likely be influenced and inhibited by other people.  You simply have to get away from people you know to think and experience without that inhibiting influence.  You can then discover things about you that you might not otherwise have known.  When I vacation by myself, I do different things than when I vacation with my family or others.  And it’s not just because it’s a different kind of vacation, it’s because when I’m not being influenced by others, I am much more likely to do what my true self really wants to do.

Do Something Different

I didn’t think I would like symphonies, operas, or ballets but I do.  If I hadn’t gone I wouldn’t know.  Do as many new things as you possibly can and pay attention to your reactions.

Pay Attention To Your Fantasies

What do you fantasize and dream about?  Seriously, those are a signal to you that you need to explore.  Try to experience some of them and see what happens.

Your Life Purpose

This is not the same thing as your true self, but a related and interesting exercise can be found at Steve Pavlina’s How to Discover Your Life Purpose in About 20 Minutes

Finally

“Your life can be an adventure – a continuing stream of new pleasures, excitement, and satisfactions.  You can have meaningful, problem-free friendships; you can have love that’s intense and exciting without burdens and compromises; you can produce income in ways that are fun; you can having thrilling experiences that don’t lead to bad consequences.”  — Harry Browne

What do you think? Leave a comment below.

Get Free Updates to The Rat Race Trap by Email here or via a reader in the top left sidebar.  I would love to have you on board.

Bob Proctor has written a very nice 9 page article called Vision, Purpose, Goals.  I think it is simply outstanding and I highly recommend you read and listen to it.  Listen on your commute.  He is very inspirational.  I personally like the audio because I love Bob’s infectious voice.

Vision Purpose Goals PDF

Vision Purpose Goals MP3

Find Your True Purpose

What a different story people would have to tell if they would adopt a definite purpose and stand by that purpose until it had time to become an all-consuming purpose.  (emphasis mine)

Napoleon Hill
Laws of Success

I read a fantastic paper today by Bob Proctor on Vision, Purpose, and Goals.  and I’m not sure that I am allowed to redistribute the download so I’m going to tell you about it.  Bob Proctor is a motivational / success coach and I think he is great.  I have posted several times on this topic because it core to your success.  Here is Bob explaining it:

If you fail to determine your definite purpose, everything else is wrong.  It’s like working with a broken compass – you may think your going North, but you’re not.  You’re not sure which direction you’re heading, so, you’re just wandering aimlessly.

Without your purpose identified firmly in your mind, you will wander through life, never quite feeling that you’re “in the flow”.  I say, then, that it’s imperative you recognize what it is you’re good at – what it is you really love to do.  Your purpose in this lifetime is to do the thing that you love.

Here is the rest of my summary in PDF format:

Find Your True Purpose

Previous posts you should read:

Find Happiness Outside the Rat Race

What is the ONE THING in Your Life?

Doing What Matters to You Now

Stephen

T

his post marks the conclusion of the series and will help you understand why it is so important you discover your core needs and find that happiness you deserve. Consider the following.  Suppose one of your core needs is alone time.  That wouldn’t be surprising because I think it is a need for many people.  However you simply don’t have enough alone time for everything and your alone time is the easiest thing to give up.  You are a mother, a career woman, a wife, and a community volunteer.  There is no way you would spend less time with your children in order to have more time alone.  Is that really a good decision?  I believe it is not.  Far more important than the quantity of time you spend with your family is the quality of that time.  Running around tired, stressed, impatient, cranky, or whatever is not what your family needs.

Whatever you give up in core needs, makes you less of who you really are and could be.  Your children will remember a mother who was not filled with the joy of life, with the calm and loving manner, and with the fulfilled life that should should have been.  You are giving your children something less and not something more by sacrificing a core need.

The same thing applies to your role as partner, and employee, a friend, or any other role you have.  You are giving all of that less, because you gave yourself less.

Y

ou may also discover that you have one or more core needs that you are not proud to have.  It does no good to stick your head in the sand and pretend like they do not exist.  It is likely the reason you are not happy with having that core need is due to the fact that the means and structures by which you have been fulfilling it are not things you are proud to have done.  What you need to do, and what this method allows you to do, is to find other more acceptable to you ways to fulfill that need.  Do not deny or repress something that exists.  It will come out in ways that you will find harmful.  You need to accept it and find other outlets to fulfill it.

I

f you have not read the first and second parts of How to Find Happiness Outside the Rat Race please do so.  As indicated in the previous posts in this series, the method presented is based upon Richard Brodie’s  Getting Past Ok: A Straightforward Guide to Having a Fantastic Life. I highly recommend this $10 book.  If you apply what you have learned you can make a enormous change for the better for yourself and everyone connected to you.  This type of improvement is easy to ignore.  There is always something that is more urgent.  But ask yourself, what could be more important?

Please comment and let me know if I can help you in any way.

Are you ready to get on with your fantastic life?  If you have not read the first part of How to Find Happiness Outside the Rat Race please do so now.  As indicated in the first post in this series, the method presented is based upon Richard Brodie’s  Getting Past Ok: A Straightforward Guide to Having a Fantastic Life. I highly recommend this $10 book.  I cannot distill an entire book into several blog posts, but I am giving you the essence of the the method and you can do a great deal with the information provided.  I originally was going to complete this series in two posts, but I wasn’t able to do that without making Part 2 very long.  Part 2 will finish the actual technique and Part 3 will provide some finishing touches as well as cover why it is so important that you go through this exercise of discovering your core needs.

When you finish Part 2 you may ask is that it?  Nothing that simple can be that effective right?  Wrong.  Simple ideas are often the most profound and they are effective precisely because it is possible for mere mortals to implement them.  Don’t dismiss this until you give it a good trial and please make sure your read part 3.  It will help you understand why this process is so important for you and those you care about.

Once you have all of your results from the question answering process, you need to look back through them and write down any words or phrases that occur more than once.  If the word “thrill” occurred 3 times in your answers then write down “thrill” on your list.  When you have finished creating this list, you need to separate the results into three categories: core needs, means, and structures.

• Core needs are those experiences you require for sustained happiness and success in life.
• Means are the ways you get those experiences.
• Structures are those things by which you use various means to experience your core needs.

Means and needs are sometimes very similar and easily confused, but don’t worry about that right now.  You can tease them apart later.  What you are ultimately going to end up with is a list of your core needs.  The means and structures are not very important, but your core needs are everything.  This list will be a foundation for being happy for the rest of your life.  We all have different core needs.  I need to be alone a fair bit of time whereas others may need a lot of other people around to be happy.  Some people are deathly afraid of many thrill-type activities while others crave them constantly.  Some people constantly need new experiences while others find happiness and peace in the routine and familiar.

Going for walks along the trails in the woods is a structure some (including myself) use to get to the means of being alone in nature to fulfill several core needs such as beauty, serenity, and alone time.  I once believed that going for walks in the woods was a core need of mine, but in fact it is not.  It is simply a structure.  I am able to experience one or more of those same core needs by the structure of walking along a deserted beach which gets me to the means of being alone in nature which creates the same experiences to fulfill some of my core needs.  The genius of this approach by Brodie is to allow you to identify your core needs by separating them from the means and structures by which you experience them.  Once you understand your core needs, you can find many structures and means to create the experiences that fulfill them.

I personally am not tied to a location that has easy access to uncrowded woods or even the means of being alone in nature.  I can be locked inside a huge metropolitan area and use the structure of a quiet art or natural history museum to get to some of the same experiences.  Another person might take walks in the woods or visit a museum to fulfill different core needs.  One person might use the structure of a high-paying job as a trauma surgeon to get to the means of making a lot of money which enables them to experience their core need of independence.  Another may use that structure and means to experience their core needs of recognition and respect.

No matter where you are or what circumstances you find yourself in for the rest of your life, you will always be able to find ways to experience your core needs.  As a result you will surely find and sustain genuine happiness.  The structures and means may come and go but the core needs can still be experienced.  Brodie’s method provides a simple and elegant way to understand exactly how you can have a truly happy, or as he describes it, a fantastic life.

Wwhen you are going through a rough period in your life or when you are feeling down or less than super fantastic, you now have the method to make the needed corrections.  Whenever you are considering something new, be it big or small, you can see how it measures up to your core needs and thus determine whether it will contribute to your ultimate happiness or not.  This is very powerful and effective.  I learned this method many years ago when everything was going OK.  I never did anything with it because I didn’t see any driving need to do so.  When life was no longer even OK, I dusted it off and took it seriously and it has made a huge difference in my life.  But even before life went downhill, I was missing something big.  I was failing to get past OK and get to fantastic because I was satisfied with just being OK.  I hope you don’t make that same mistake.

Summary of Brodie’s Method:

1. Answer the questions from the previous post emphasizing the experience and not the activity.
2. List all of the words or phrases that occurred two or more times in your answers.
3. Separate your list into three categories: core needs, means, and structures.
4. The core needs are the yardstick against which you measure everything you do in order to have a genuinely happy and successful life.
5. When you are not feeling happy or fantastic then simply review your list of core needs and find what is currently missing.
6. Find a structure and means to achieve the experiences you are missing and you will be back to living your fantastically happy life.
7. No matter how you feel, periodically review your activities and experiences against your core needs and determine what you can drop and what you can add to make your life even better.

Please comment and let me know what you think.  If you are having any trouble getting this to work, just contact me through the comments or the contact form and and I’ll be glad to help.

Stay tuned for Part 3.

Update: I found a newly posted article on Zen Habits with a different method of doing something very similar. First: Your Feelings … Then: Your Action Plan