Here are some books I have read recently that I think are worth checking out.

Blah Blah Blah: What To Do When Words Don’t Work – This is an excellent book.  If you communicate ideas to other people then you want to read this book.  It is worth its weight in gold.

Smart Thinking: Three Essential Keys to Solve Problems, Innovate, and Get Things Done – This is simply a smart book.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking – I’m an introvert and I loved this book.

Off Balance: Getting Beyond the Work-Life Balance Myth to Personal and Professional Satisfaction – A very insightful book on personal and professional life satisfaction.

Thinking, Fast and Slow – A superb book on how our minds work by a giant in the field.

The following two books are short singles so get the kindle version which is much less expensive.  They are both excellent.

Three Cups of Deceit: How Greg Mortenson, Humanitarian Hero, Lost His Way

Read This Before Our Next Meeting

Here are some other worthwhile books:

Innovation You: Four Steps to Becoming New and Improved

Organize Your Mind, Organize Your Life: Train Your Brain to Get More Done in Less Time

What Makes Your Brain Happy and Why You Should Do the Opposite

18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done

Mindhacker: 60 Tips, Tricks, and Games to Take Your Mind to the Next Level

Stepping Up: How Taking Responsibility Changes Everything

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In Situations Matter: Understanding How Context Transforms Your World, Sam Sommers argues persuasively that everyday situations matter much more for how we behave than we generally like to believe.  According to the author, we tend to believe character (inborn or acquired) is much more important than it really is.

I really liked this book partly because its subject matter is one of my favorite topics of interest – human behavior.  In addition the material was compelling, entertaining, and I think the thesis is important.  I recommend it to anyone who is curious about why we do what we do.

In the introductory chapter the author concludes with the following summary of what is to follow:

“The chapters that follow continue to flesh out lessons like these in specific detail, examining the overlooked impact of ordinary situations on a wide range of human experiences.  We’ll take a look at the contextual considerations that shape our private sense of self, that color our notion of the differences between men and women, that determine who we love and who we hate.  We’ll start by examining the circumstances that dictate when we’re heroic and when we’re cowardly, with particular focus on the very situational notion that when we are surrounded by others, we become very different people than when we’re on our own.”

That last sentence “when we are surrounded by others, we become very different people” is a key theme of the entire book.  It is very important that we stay aware of that tendency.  The following is a list of the chapters in the book and my extremely brief summary of what each is about.

Help Wanted

– Will you help someone in need?

Go With The Flow

– All about the power of social conformity

You Are Not Who You Thought You Were

– You really are a different person in different settings and at different times.

Mars and Venus Here on Earth

– All about gender differences and how they may not be as fixed as we think.

Love

– You don’t have a soul-mate, you have lots of them in the right situation.

Hate

– All about bias and how it affects us all even when we don’t realize it.

I do have a couple of problems with the conclusions in this book and I think the author overstates his case. This is true in particular to his conclusions on gender differences where it appears he lets his own personal feelings override his scientific objectivity.  On that subject I think he doth protest too much.

Also, throughout the book the author cites experiments where a situation in a lab led to a result that the author then concludes proves that certain behavior is not the result of inborn differences.  While that may be a possibility, I simply don’t agree that you can draw that conclusion as strongly as he seems to believe.

Just because you can create an artificial situation in a lab and get a result, does not mean that such results naturally flow in the real world.  For example it is entirely possible that situations out in the real world that the author is convinced drive behavior, may themselves be the result of inborn traits and thus influence our behavior indirectly.  Just because you can override those natural tendencies in a lab doesn’t mean they aren’t really there.

However, even with these differences his point is well taken and I think he is in large part correct.  I do think we are many different selves and that situations strongly influence which one of those selves wins the internal brain debate.  I give Sommers high marks for writing an interesting and entertaining book on an important topic. Even though I don’t agree with everything he writes, I do consider the book very well done.  I think you will agree.

Recommended.

Situations Matter: Understanding How Context Transforms Your World

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Note from Stephen:  This is a guest article by Daniel A. Miller and is the topic of a new book by him.  The topic of letting go of control is very important and I wholeheartedly support the perspective offered by this article and the author’s book.  Please consider checking out his book and web site.

Are you stressed out and overwhelmed?   Do you want more intimacy and connection with your loved ones?  Are you lacking the time to pursue your passions?

There is a way to change all that:  let go of control—or as I like to say, lose control!

Trying to control people and events harms us and everyone around us.  It blinds us to options and choices we can make that would greatly improve our lives emotionally, spiritually, creatively and financially.   Instead we worry incessantly and become imprisoned by our fears, anger and anxiety, all of which consume inordinate amounts of needless time and energy.   This time and energy could instead be devoted to pursuing our passions—if we are willing to lose some control in our lives.

When we let go of control, our blinders come off and we can engage in life’s currents in an intuitive and expansive manner and thereby discover life’s possibilities.   Moreover, when we stop trying to control others, the focus changes from them to us.    We can then work on improving our shortcomings and enhancing our skills, talents and creativity.

In short, you will have more freedom and contentment when you lose control.   Let me share two true stories that illustrate this in two important life arenas.

Letting Go of Control at Home Creates Intimacy

With families and close friends we often want or demand more than what is (or can be) given to us.   For example, we may feel the need for more support, affection and validation from our parents.    Similarly, parents may feel the need for more respect and attention from their children.   Controlling actions are frequently the means used to try to fulfill these needs.   However, pressuring others, particularly those closest to us, breeds anger and resentment.   After all, who likes being told how they should be?

A case in point is the story of Emma, an only child who had immigrated to the United States from the “old country” after World War II, and her daughter, Anna.

Emma was ill-equipped to raise her five children in a culturally diverse country, and she made no bones about not enjoying being a mom.  Once she even told Anna that if she could do it all over again, she would not have had children.   Nevertheless, Anna was a dutiful daughter who dearly wanted a nurturing mother, and thus continually looked to Emma for support and encouragement.  But it rarely came.   Instead, Anna usually received criticism and demeaning remarks from her mother.   Yet, well into her adult life, Anna persisted in seeking what her mother was unable to give her and always got the same results.

Then one day Anna had an epiphany that dramatically changed the relationship between the two women.   Anna had seen a movie in which the heroine was viciously attacked, and the first person she called for help was her mother.   This made an impression on Anna.   She realized that her own mother would have been the last person she would have called under similar circumstances.   From that turning point, Anna stopped trying to change her mother and began accepting her for who she was—and just as important, for who she wasn’t!

Interestingly, their relationship improved dramatically.   The pressure was off Emma to be someone she wasn’t.    Over time, the two became friends and equals, and Emma began to open up more to her daughter.    When Emma later became gravely ill and was dying, Anna was there to share her mother’s final intimate moments, in which they selected the songs and prayers, even the clothes and jewelry to be worn, for Emma’s funeral.

Thus, Anna’s willingness to accept her mother as she was finally brought her the intimacy that she was unable to have by seeking it.

Letting Go of Control at Work Pays Large Dividends

The workplace is where humanity’s primal drive for sustenance and survival is most prominently played out.   As such, it is a hotbed for costly and inefficient control practices.    Being willing to lose some control at work brings unexpected rewards.

Many years ago I formed an investment partnership to purchase the largest and most expensive office building I had ever known.   I was very excited by the property’s prospects.    It seemed to have everything going for it—quality contruction and design, solid tenants and a great location.  In fact, I proudly considered it my “flagship” property.    However, shortly after the purchase the local office market took a dive and we lost key tenants.  I devoted almost all my time and energy to trying to save the property from foreclosure, including coming up with expensive promotions, remodeling the common areas and offering rent reductions.   I even changed the name of the building.

Nothing worked.   We were on the verge of losing our entire investment.  However, being the compulsive controller that I was, each defeat only caused me to press harder.   Then one day one of my partners said, “Maybe the building is the heavy anchor that is weighing you down.  Have you ever thought about unloading it so you can focus on your other properties?”

I was stunned.   The truth and common sense of what he said were immediately apparent, but I had never considered it because I was so preoccupied with trying to “save” the investment.   I then stopped “working” the property.  I mentally let it go and focused on my other properties, which I had neglected because I had been compulsively seeking a solution to a problem that was not ready to be solved.  In other words, I gave up control—although I didn’t think about it in those terms at the time.

A short time later a solution emerged that I never could have foreseen.  Two of my passive partners met with the seller of the building (who was also our lender) and negotiated a sale of the building back to him at a price that recouped half our investment.   My decision to back off turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made.   By putting my time and effort into my other properties, their collective value appreciated so much within a couple of years that it made up for the loss on the flagship property many times over.

After that I began letting go of more and more control at work.   I stopped forcing issues and pressing for solutions.   In that manner, I allowed the work “currents” to flow more naturally, and I was able to engage those currents in an intuitive manner.  What evolved was a highly efficient way of doing business in which I made fewer mistakes, had fewer diversions and had much less stress and anxiety.    I eventually cut my work time by half and made more money.

I thus had much more time and energy to explore life’s possibilities.   I became a fine artist (after never being able to draw as a child), a published poet, a seniors’ tennis champion and an author of a book about the benefits of losing control.

Letting Go of Control Helps You Find Freedom and Contentment

Work life and intimate relations are not the only life arenas in which not resisting life’s natural currents bestows remarkable rewards.   In a similar manner, letting go of control expands your creative horizons,  strengthens friendships and improves athletic and other types of performance.    As it does, you will have the time and energy—and desire—to pursue your passions, and you will no longer feel stressed out and overwhelmed.

Because control is such a deeply ingrained pattern in most of us, releasing control can be very difficult, particularly in important life issues and challenges.   For that reason, I recommend that you start by gradually giving up control in “low stake” areas of your life so that you can get comfortable with the process.   As you begin experiencing the benefits of the process, you will gain the confidence to lose control in more vital areas of your life.   And as you move forward, you will find greater freedom and contentment in your life.

Daniel A. Miller is a businessman, an artist and the author of Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go (Ebb and Flow Press, 2011), and writes about control issues at www.losingcontrolfindingserenity.com (where excerpts from his book can be read) and at blog.losingcontrolfindingserenity.com

I’ve been struggling with inspiration on article topics so I thought this would be a good time to recommend some books.  I’ve read a number of really good books lately and here are my favorites.

Tabloid Medicine: How the Internet is Being Used to Hijack Medical Science for Fear and Profit -  As I said in my Amazon review I’m certainly not a fan of Big Pharma or the medical establishment.  They both have a lot of problems, but I am a fan of science and progress.  This is an extremely well argued book and whatever your perspective you should take Golberg’s arguments seriously.

Manhunt: The 12-Day Chase to Catch Lincoln’s Killer -  This was a superb and compelling read about the hunt for John Wilkes Booth.  If you are at all interested in history and biography, this is a really good read.

We Have Met the Enemy: Self-Control in an Age of Excess -  A wide-ranging look at the topic of self-control in the modern world of excess.  This book is a very enjoyable read and is densely packed with information and analysis.  I really liked it.

Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals -  I read a lot of books like this and Heidi Halvorson has produced a truly superior product with this book. Every chapter is clearly composed, filled with stories and examples, describes the research behind the conclusions, and ends with a bulleted summary of the key concepts. 

The Rational Optimist: How Prosperity Evolves -  A very persuasively argued book on why we should be optimistic about the future.  A counter to the overwhelmingly negative doomsday predictions that are so popular right now.

Supercoach: 10 Secrets to Transform Anyone’s Life -  Michael Neill’s self-improvement books are really outstanding and this one is my favorite.  I can highly recommend this book without reservation.

Why We Get Fat: And What to Do About It (Borzoi Books) – If you want a clearly written explanation of why we get fat (it’s not calories) and what is wrong with our modern agricultural diet, look no further.  For a fantastic and really enjoyable book that is more broadly focused try The Paleo Solution: The Original Human Diet.

The Immortality Edge: Realize the Secrets of Your Telomeres for a Longer, Healthier Life -  If you are interested in healthy aging I highly recommend this book.  It was one of the best I’ve read on the topic.

Don’t Miss Your Life: Find More Joy and Fulfillment Now -  This is an incredibly inspiring book about engaging and participating in life.  A lot of practical tips.

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Here is a selection of thought provoking books I’ve read in the last few weeks.  These are not “practical” books in the sense that they give you a formula for how to do something better, but they are more philosophical in nature. Big picture, philosophical ideas are important and to the degree that they educate you and help you understand the world around you, they are critical to your long-term intellectual growth.  I give an enthusiastic thumbs up to all of these books.

The Moral Landscape: How Science Can Determine Human Values by Sam Harris

This brilliant book makes a case for a science of values that is almost unheard of nowadays.  The only other writer of any note that has promoted this idea was Ayn Rand in the 40’s and 50’s (at least the only one I know of).  This is a very thoughtful and well written work.  Harris argues very persuasively for his point of view.  Sam Harris is no friend of religion and while this book is not about religion, he devotes a whole chapter to attacking religious morality – be forewarned.

What Technology Wants by Kevin Kelly

When I read the jacket cover of this book I thought I wouldn’t like it.  The reason I bought it was because of a recommendation; I’m sure glad I did.  The topic is the evolution of technology and I found it to be deeply original and provocative.  With chapters like “The Unabomber Was Right” and “The Amish Hackers” you know the read is going to be a bit of a different ride.

Where Good Ideas Come From: The Natural History of Innovation by Steven Johnson

Of all the books included in this article, Steven Johnson’s comes the closest to being practical.  There is a lot of wisdom in his pages and I found it to be fairly profound and useful.  It certainly made me think.

The Watchman’s Rattle: Thinking Our Way Out of Extinction by Rebecca Costa

This is the best book with a strange title I’ve ever read.  I picked it up on a hunch and consider it an amazing find.  12 of 12 people who have reviewed it on Amazon have given it a 5 star rating and that includes me.  This is another book that does not regurgitate the same old ideas.  It’s a refreshingly new way to think about the complex problems facing the world today.

I Live in the Future & Here’s How It Works: Why Your World, Work, and Brain Are Being Creatively Disrupted by Nick Bilton

This book was a very interesting look at how we likely will interact with media in the future and is a very optimistic view of what technology is bringing to our world.

These last two books are thought provoking in a different way.  They are true stories that make you think about our natural world and our place in it.

Naked in Eden: My Adventure and Awakening in the Australian Rainforest by Robin Easton

This book is definitely different.  Robin seems totally at home in the rain forest dreaming and talking to trees and animals.  It’s a look at nature from a perspective that’s unique and wonderful.  Robin is a captivating story teller and you should check it out.

The Wild Trees: A Story of Passion and Daring by Richard Preston

I love trees and this is the story of the world’s biggest trees and the people who found them.  It was a compelling and wonderful read.

There is a wonderful series of books called “The Skinny On” that I recommend you check out.  The idea behind the books is to distill the very best information possible about various topics into a compact and easy to read format.  The author, Jim Randel and his team, study the very best books and research in the topic area and create a fun and easy to read book.  They are structured and organized for easy future reference.  From the author:

“The books examine and synthesize the leading research on an array of topics, determine the bottom-line, need-to-know information, and present helpful analysis in an engaging stick-figure illustrated narrative.”

I tend to prefer long deep books and yet I love these little books and I think you will too.  This is a fantastic idea and one I wish I had thought of 30 years ago!  The ones I have read and can recommend follow.  Notice the overwhelming positive reviews.

1. The Skinny on Success: Why not you?
2. The Skinny on the Art of Persuasion: How to Move Minds
3. The Skinny on Time Management: How to Maximize Your 24-Hour Gift
4. The Skinny on Willpower: How to Develop Self Discipline
5. The Skinny on Networking: Maximizing the Power of Numbers
6. The Skinny on Creativity: Thinking Outside the Box

What do YOU think?  Leave a comment and join the conversation.

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Guy Finley has a new book out called The Courage to Be Free: Discover Your Original Fearless Self.  When I looked today it was on Amazon’s overall best seller list at #9.  It’s a wonderful book full of insights, that I believe, if fully absorbed can do a great deal towards helping you live a much better life.  It’s not a “success” book; it’s a book that teaches you understand you have the power within yourself to be free and happy.  It’s only $9.  Here are some selected quotes from the book that give you a flavor for what it’s all about.  I think it’s best to let Guy speak for himself.

When you realize that no one else on this earth can be like you – that no other soul can know the beauty, sorrow, light, and darkness you alone are given to see – then you will no longer want to be like anyone else on this earth.  You will, at last, be the fearless individual your heart of hearts has called you to be.

There lives nothing real in our past – regardless of how disappointing or painful it may have been – that can grab us and make us its captive, any more than dark shadows have the power to keep us from walking into the sunlight.

Real life is not static.  Its only rule is change; so it should be clear: either we agree to participate in this eternal process of renewal, or we will feel punished by it.

When it comes to being in a hurry, what difference does it make how fast you can get somewhere when all you find there is the next thing for you to rush through?

See how many times you can catch yourself just as you’re about to go on the “ride” of not wanting to be where you are – of not wanting to do what you must.  Then deliberately step out of that long line of repetitive thoughts and feelings.  Take your attention off of what you don’t want, and bring it into the new moment – as it is.

Our truest strength lies in our ability to realize that whatever our present weakness may be, it is only temporary, provided we are willing to persist, to wade into what seems greater than we are, and to test this truth time and time again.

That unforgettable sunrise we shared with someone we love; some deep heartache released and our soul refreshed on the heels of some unexpected insight; better still, a beauty beyond words when we turned a corner to find a field of yellow flowers flowing alongside a stream.  In moments like these, our sense-dominated mind comes to a full stop, because it stands in the presence of a delight beyond its capacity to contain or otherwise restrain by thought.  At times like these we are left, gratefully, in the living presence of a peace we cannot create.

If you order The Courage to Be Free: Discover Your Original Fearless Self from Amazon, you can then go to the book’s home page – The Courage to Be Free – and collect a bunch of free gifts.

What do YOU think?  Leave a comment and join the conversation.

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Here are some odds and ends that I thought might interest you.

Are Men Good For Anything?

Roy Baumeister is a well known and respected academic psychologist who has done a lot of research and published a large number of journal articles.  I am familiar with him from reading some of his work on willpower.  He has published a brilliant new book called Is There Anything Good About Men?: How Cultures Flourish by Exploiting Men.  I read a lot of the same old rehashed stuff, but every once in a while I come across something truly original; it is so refreshing to encounter something new.  Dr. Baumeister has developed what he calls a radical theory on why men and women are different.  Whether you agree with him or not, and I found his work persuasive, you have to love an original and in this case courageous thinker.  Highly recommended.

Article on thelifething

Jonny over on thelifething blog published a guest article of mine called 10 Easy Steps For Getting Yourself to the Easy Life.  You might want to check it out and while you are there look over Jonny’s blog; he does a great job on it.

Radiolab

I just cannot say enough good about these podcasts.  If you are interested in how the world works, do yourself a huge favor and check them out: http://www.radiolab.org/series/podcasts/

The Unique You

“When you realize that no one else on this earth can be like you – that no other soul can know the beauty, sorrow, light, and darkness you alone are given to see – then you will no longer want to be like anyone else on this earth.  You will, at last, be the fearless individual your heart of hearts has called you to be.” – Guy Finley

What do YOU think?  Leave a comment and join the conversation.

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Hamlet’s BlackBerry: A Practical Philosophy for Building a Good Life in the Digital Age – This is a really good book about what it means to make use of the advantages of the connected digital world without suffering all the disadvantages.  I highly recommend it as probably the most balanced treatment of the good and the bad of being permanently connected and a fascinating history going back to Socrates.

The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working: The Four Forgotten Needs That Energize Great Performance – This is just a really, really good book on how to perform better. Definitely recommended.

The Invisible Gorilla: And Other Ways Our Intuitions Deceive Us – Another book about how our intuitions are often wrong and what to do about it.  This was an extremely well written book.

Empire of the Summer Moon: Quanah Parker and the Rise and Fall of the Comanches, the Most Powerful Indian Tribe in American History – This is now on the bestseller list and deservedly so.  It is really an eye opening account of the little-known culture of the Great Plains Indian tribe the Commanches. I can honestly say I learned a good bit of little-known western history from reading this book.

Wrong: Why experts* keep failing us–and how to know when not to trust them *Scientists, finance wizards, doctors, relationship gurus, celebrity CEOs, … consultants, health officials and more – A fascinating account of how experts are always getting it wrong. There were some surprises in here for me.  For instance, 2/3 of scientific papers announcing a new finding and published in the most elite peer-reviewed journals are later proven mistaken for a variety of reasons.

The Secret Life of the Grown-up Brain: The Surprising Talents of the Middle-Aged Mind – As a 49 year-old I LOVED this book.  Yes, you are not as quick as you used to be and yes, recall of names becomes more difficult, but in other ways the middle-aged brain is better than a young brain.  For anyone past 40 and who wonders about what is going to happen to your mind, I highly recommend this wonderful book.

The Alternate-Day Diet – This is a diet for health as well as weight loss.  Consider it.

The New Good Life: Living Better Than Ever in an Age of Less – This is a good read and a very interesting look at how the Baskin Robbin’s heir gave up his inheritance for the ultimate Spartan life. His points are legitimate but he goes way further than I would ever consider.

Here is a list of other books to consider. I liked all of these:

The Last Stand: Custer, Sitting Bull, and the Battle of the Little Bighorn

Mengele: The Complete Story

The Youth Pill: Scientists at the Brink of an Anti-Aging Revolution

Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error

The Lost City of Z: A Tale of Deadly Obsession in the Amazon (Vintage Departures)

The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains

What do YOU think?  Leave a comment and join the conversation.

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If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what then, is an empty desk? — Albert Einstein

I’m not naturally an organized person.  It seems there is some set point of disorder and clutter that occurs around me; if I de-clutter and organize, things quickly return to their disordered set point.  I find those pictures of minimalist workspaces and homes very aesthetically pleasing.  I love the look of them, but I fail to achieve anything close.  From a personal productivity approach I think I’ve tried about every system and I can never stick with them.  For whatever reason, it seems I’m just not wired to work that way.

I recently picked up a delightful bargain book called A Perfect Mess: The Hidden Benefits of Disorder – How Crammed Closets, Cluttered Offices, and on-the-Fly Planning Make the World a Better Place.  The authors make a compelling argument that the time spent on organizing, planning, and keeping things uncluttered is simply not worth it; that you spend more time organizing than you save as a result of being organized.

They go further and argue that in many cases messiness and disorder is a good thing.  They give interesting examples like Alexander Fleming discovering penicillin because his lab was a dirty, messy, and cluttered place; something that would not have happened in a clean and organized lab.  Some of my favorite examples were messy and unorganized small business like hardware stores or bookstores that make more profit than nearby highly ordered and organized megastores.

The argument is basically that organization is inflexible and resistant to new information, changing circumstances, and unexpected events.  On the other hand messy systems are flexible and allow more creative connections of apparently unrelated information.  This really resonated with me.  They describe 12 kinds of messiness: clutter, mixture, time sprawl, improvisation, inconsistency, blur, noise, distraction, bounce, convolution, inclusion, and distortion.

This book was an enjoyable read and made some excellent points.  The message I took from this book was to accept your natural tendencies.  Don’t be pressured by the culture to change.  Starting with your parents’ demands to clean up your room and continuing with your regimented school and work lives, you are bombarded by the message that neat, planned, and organized is good and messy, unplanned, and disorganized is bad.  Well maybe not.  This may be an extreme minority view as it is the first time I have encountered it this way, but I loved it.  I found it utterly compelling and convincing.  From this day forward I am embracing my messy and disorganized self.  What about you?

What do YOU think?  Leave a comment and join the conversation.

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